I grumble about lack of manners and long queues and those telesales people who can't speak proper...I'm horrified when a family has one of those enormous televisions plastered all over one wall and have a panic attack if it takes pride of place over the fireplace and is tuned in to some brain dead quiz show with the sound turned to mute...I putter under my breath when parents have their babies christened and haven't set foot inside a church for donkeys years 'cos they don't want to miss out on the presents and the posh frocks...I raise my eyebrows in serious alarm when someone I meet in the street says all Muslims are suicide bombers and ought to be turfed out of the country now this minute and look askance when a parent announces Halloween is an American invention...I tend to direct a glare towards any Mother who allows her eight-year-old to wear nail varnish when she's out shopping and woe betide young Mums who have their babies ears pierced...'cos then I just scowl. And I honestly don't like the trend of getting married after you've had six children and dressing them all up as bridesmaids...I get cross when someone squashes a spider and being drunk in the street at ten in the morning tempts me to drag said drunk home by his collar and tell him to get a grip...and it makes me seriously cross when a child munches away on a chocolate bar and Mother quite forgets to pay at the checkout...anyone who refers to the Travellers as 'Pikeys' gets short shrift on principle and if I read just once more about a Viking born in Tennessee on Ancestry then I'll let rip. I don't like old people who push into a queue just 'cos they're old and think they can get away with it and I'd much prefer not to be referred to as a 'pensioner' even if I am. I don't like opening a packet of biscuits and finding someone has hurled them from a great height and they're all broken...and I seriously don't like those stupid packs sealed up so tight they need exceptionally sharp scissors to open them and then the contents scatter all over the floor...I think it rude to be given a bottle of cheap wine which tastes of chemical additives but will happily give such a bottle to someone I think won't appreciate anything decent...I'm an appalling snob if people hold their knife like a pen and still remember having proper soup spoons and table napkins...and a small fork with which to eat cream cakes...I think it quite mad to send messages and updates and texts when you're away on holidays...isn't the entire point of a holiday to get away from 'normal'...and I don't care for the fact so few people ever bother to send postcards from their holidays...having a lovely time...wish you were here...they put something on Facebook instead, which isn't quite the same...I'm irritated by teenagers who grunt and won't look you in the eye and scented toilet paper...and that frankly awful advert for toilet paper which features a nasty little boy done up in a three piece suit...and shampoo which says it promises shiny locks or tangle free or whatever when it's only detergent with a hefty dose of artificial perfume...I can't be doing with people who refer to their dogs and cats as 'fur babies'...or those who dress their dogs in frocks...though Himself did once buy Eilis a sweater in Army combat colours...I lost it though and she'd only worn it once...shame really. And I can't bear those twee little signs you can buy that say 'Welcome to my Garden' and garden statues of small boys peeing...and those dayglo bright orange pansies...but I could go on...and on. The days of my youth might be far behind...but it's fun being a grumpy old person!
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