It's Thursday, so it must be weekly shopping then...there is a serious dearth of the weird and wonderful in the supermarket nowadays...didn't even have Potty Penny to elbow out of the way in front of the magazine display. She reads all the way through Hello, puts it back on the shelf, and then buys the National Enquirer which is full of stories titled An Alien Ate My Baby...and others of the same ilk.
And it really doesn't do to stand anywhere near her when she's waiting at the butchery counter for her cat liver...she buys vast quanties of huge livers all shrink wrapped in plastic and it seriously turns my tummy over...I have to sort of sidle away until I'm facing the chicken fillets which aren't leaking blood everywhere...
But she wasn't in today and neither was Loopy Lulu who clutches me to her bony bosoms and swears undying love and affection and then buggars off for months on end...Lulu is about two feet taller than me so when she swoops towards me for a hug I end up with my nose pressed somewhere around the bottom of her bust and have to fight for air...
And I didn't meet up with the elderly lady who prods all the bread and picks every scone up and then puts it down and walks away without buying them and mutters because shrink wrapped broccoli goes yellow too quickly and when I suggested that she buy the unwrapped instead and kept it in the bottom of her 'fridge she looked at me askance and walked off in a bit of a huff and I was only being helpful...
I'd been going to ask Asif how to cook some of the Asian vegetables but he had his mobile 'phone glued to his ear and was engaged in a long and complicated conversation...it must have been complicated because he kept heaving heavy sighs and rolling his eyes and I heard him clearly say feck at one point in the middle of the Hindi...
Then when I'd trailed round remembering to get extra sugar for the new wine and looking in vain for slices of Black Forest Gateau with real cream and I'd carefully put four expensive peaches right on the top of everything else so as they wouldn't get bruised and remembered sardines for Bobby to help with his achy legs...and exchanged pleasantries with John...the shop owner, who is as mad as a box of wet cats, but used to give us simply loads of leftover meat when we had thirty odd rescued dogs and cats and once gave me an enormous box of chocolates which were a week past their sell-by date.
Mary was busy, so I went to a new girl who couldn't remember which button to press to get the conveyor belt to work and held up the cabbage I'd chosen and asked me...Is this a cabbage?...and she couldn't do the 'special price' thingy either so put four fat peaches down as one apple instead...the final bill was a bit low but I didn't mention it nor did I examine it carefully...just paid over the pennies and beat a hasty retreat...
Himself took Millie off for a walk 'cos when we both got out of the car she stood up against the window and howled mournfully...so he whizzed round getting carrots for the donkeys and a box of fancy little biscuits for the dogs so she wasn't left for too long. As Himself doesn't invite chat from anyone he can do his bit of shopping in two minutes flat...it takes me feckin' ages.