I've just found something else which makes me very cross...apart from the fact that ipernity is like a feckin' puzzle to get the hang of and the italic won't work and why fix something that ain't broke in the first place...where was I...ah yes...things that make me very cross. Chicken fillets.

Chicken fillets make me very cross when some dozy bat working on the line in the factory hasn't bothered to trim the little bits of bone off properly and hasn't been sufficently awake to cut the sinew off either...I can do it...that's not a problem. Doesn't take a second with a sharp knife and there'll be a dog ready and waiting with it's mouth open to toss the nasty bits into whereupon they'll disappear down a gullet without touching the sides...but why should I buy a chicken fillet that hasn't been properly filleted in the first place...

Why do we put up with shoddy stuff or unripe fruit or broccoli tightly wrapped in a bit of plastic so the poor thing can't breathe or bags of potatoes that have all the lovely blemish free big ones right at the top of the feckin bag while the sad little wizened ones with peculiar looking marks are at the bottom and aren't fit to feed the pig...always supposing you had a pig to feed in the first place.

Every week I buy a hunk of pallid soggy cheese which costs an arm and a leg and tastes vaguely cheesy and goes mouldy round the edges before the following Friday...why do I do this...because I haven't a choice actually. It's either that or cream cheese which tastes of nothing at all or Parmesan which I'd be willing to bet good money isn't proper Parmesan..do I rebel and tell the shop owner I want proper cheese with a thick rind to cut off and put on the bird table that bubbles up and makes delicious crispy bits when toasted? I do not. Because if I did, he'd say he can't get decent cheese because 'the housewife' likes soggy clammy cheese that tastes ever so slightly vaguely cheesy...

If I leap up and down and throw a tantrum when the only broccoli available is tightly swathed in plastic wrap and has already gone a bit yellow at the edges then I'll be told that 'the housewife' likes her vegetables neat and tidy and ever so clean...

Should I dare to point out that Chinese garlic is grown on Chinese peoples poo and actually I'd quite like a choice, if it's all the same to them, then that bloody housewife will pop up again saying she doesn't read those reports actually 'cos she's too busy watching daytime television and either I buy Chinese garlic grown on Chinese peoples poo or feckin do without.

I can hear you all shouting at me to grow it myself then and quit making such a fuss...but those fat green slimy slugs which reach a good six inches long like garlic and chomp it all up and broccoli is like a chocolate pudding and you can forget carrots with carrot fly and cabbages with caterpillars and anything else which happens to be vaguely green...

And before you all come up with bright ideas about beer traps and such like remember our garden backs onto open fields with long grass where those fat green slugs lurk and I'd have to buy a feckin brewery to get enough beer to drown the gobshites...

But I've digressed yet again when my grouse was really with 'the housewife'....I'd so like to meet that woman one day and tell her just what I think of her and her wonky standards.