Just back from a wisenheimer website with one of those wisenheimer form generators. This generator enables you to make an absurd reply to scam spam senders. Here, I've made myself the scam spam sender and this would be the reply you send...
Dear Mr. Rubber Ducky.
I am replying in regard to the BUSINESS PROPOSAL that you have sent me a couple of days ago.
First of all, I want to relay to you how saddened I am to hear of what has befallen your Uncle, Mr. Scrooge McDuck. While I never heard of him before, as I do not generally keep up to date on the affairs of the USA, your letter left me with little doubt that his was a career filled with success and achievements. I'm sure Mr. McDuck's plight will find many sympathizers among the honest people of your great nation.
As I have stated, I do not follow the events in your part of the world too closely, but from what I did hear of the USA, the events detailed in your letter do not surprise me in the least. It is outrageous that such a horrible injustice can take place at the dawn of the Twenty First century.
But I would like to discuss your proposal. It could not have come at a better time. You see, just last week, I have received a confidential letter from Congo. It was from a man named Marcos Bello, who is the Nephew of Reverend Marcos Jacobs, the recently Deceased Leader of the Freedom Fighters of that country.
This man's letter explained how after his Uncle's death there is a significant amount of money being sought by the Reverend Jacobs's enemies in Congo. It then went on to ask for my help in moving the money (a total of SIXTEEN MILLION - $16000000 U.S. Dollars) out of Congo and into my account, promising to pay me a percentage of the sum as compensation for my part of the operation.
In his letter, Marcos Bello requested complete secrecy, so while I have shared this information with you because you seem to be in a very similar situation, I am sure you will appreciate the need to not share this highly confidential information with any of your other contacts.
I was quite ready to offer Marcos Bello my assistance with the transfer his Uncle's money when I got your letter. You see, I have performed poorly at my job this year, and did not receive a yearly bonus from my employer. Therefore, I believe that if I were to transfer a large amount of money (even as much as NINE HUNDRED TRILLION - $900,000,000,000,000 DOLLARS, the amount your are proposing to move), the authorities would simply believe this to be my bonus and it would not raise eyebrows or trigger any red flags.
In truth, initially receiving your letter within mere days after getting Marcos Bello's, I was a little skeptical as to the honesty of your claims. However, after thinking about it a lot yesterday, I have come to realise that this is an indicator that the situation in countries like the USA and Congo is much less stable what is portrayed by our government and media. This deception of the masses is outrageous and I for one will write letters to various people demanding it come to a stop.
However, the current situation represents a bit of a dilemma for me. You see, while I would be happy to acommodate you both, I do not want to run the risk of detection by both the Congan Security Force and their counterpart in the USA, as such risk would put all parties in excessive (and in my eyes - unacceptable) jeopardy. So it is after long hours of being torn between caution and compassion to both your causes, that I have decided that I dare risk accepting only one of the offers.
Do not worry however, while Marcos Bello's offer is more lucrative to me financially, I firmly believe that in such situations, financial gain must take a back seat in favor of ethics and integrity... Therefore, my decision in this matter has to be made primarily based upon the seriousness of your situation, as well as that of Reverend Jacobs's Nephew. I would appreciate you getting back to me at your earliest convenience to let me know why you, and the estate of your esteemed Uncle are more worthy of my aid than Reverend Marcos Jacobs. Also, in finding me, you have demonstrated that you are a rubber ducky of many connections, in your own country as well as abroad. If through your associates in the information gathering sphere you come upon any information leading you to believe Marcos Bello to be disingenuous or not worthy of my help, I am sure you will relay such information to me with all expedience, as it will greatly benefit your own cause.
I eagerly await to hear back from you with the pertinent information, and would like to assure you that I approach our dealings with all the secrecy and gravity that the situation requires.
Your friend (insert your name here)
Bwahahahaha! I might have gotten a bit excessive using 900 trillion as an amount, but when Mr. Rubber Ducky lies, he lies BIG. (Not that I would ever, ever, ever actually say anything that wasn't completely and totally and utterly the truthful truth! It's not nice to tell fibs!)