I've been flattering myself into thinking, I was quick to grasp things. I now have to admit to myself (and all of you reading) that I'm not - I'm naive... still. Hard to believe, but unfortunately, it seems to be a fact. In the current case, we're talking about business expressions. For all of you, who aren't exposed to business speak, here's a little vocabulary help. Let me give you five introductory examples - (a) will be the expression used, b) what's actually meant by it:

1 a. "Can I call you back?"

1 b. "Get lost, will ya? And don't come bothering me again - ever!"

2 a. "What can I do for you?"

2 b. "You're already getting on my nerves - you think, I'm much inclined to hear you asking a favor of me?"

3 a. "This will take no more than a minute."

3 b. "Unless they don't invent everlasting youth and eternal life in the body, don't bother waiting on this to happen."

4 a. "It's my pleasure!"

4 b. "I'd like to feed your guts to my overweighed cat and throw the vomit she'll produce into the fish tank."

5 a. "Will you be here another minute?"

5 b. "You don't get, when you're no longer welcome, don't you? Just fuck of, o.k.?"

I was used to similar expressions in the music scene, and they go something like this:

1 a. "Hey, can I call you?"

1 b. "I'll never bother to keep your phone number, let alone give you a call."

2 a. "Can we do something together?"

2 b. "I'd rather build me a spaceship and fly to the moon than sit in together with you."

3 a. "Ey man - great solo!"

3 b. "My grandmother - God have mercy on her poor soul - just turned in her grave hearing the sad crap you're playing on your instrument - don't you have a heart for people?"

This just to get you started. I'm sure, you're smarter than me - you'll figure out the rest. Happy translating!

P.S.: From now on... anyone who treats me like I was stupid and didn't know above... boy, you wish you'd be stucked in a pile of shit face first instead, when I'm done with you...