I am on a business trip today to meet with potential collaborators. What we have been discussing is the most inspiring thing since I fell for music, although it's a purely intellectual thing with a huge, if not humunguous, selling potential.
I have to become aware of my very nature, what drives me and what turns me off, what my real goals in life are and whether or not I prefer to achieve them all on my own or in a collaboration with others. It's the toughest call since telling my ex-wife, I wasn't ready for family at the time. It will be an all-or-nothing-at-all call. If I go for this thing, I'm preparing myself to being fully immersed into it, little spare time, nightly "think-tank"-like power-sessions until the wee hours, work, work and then some, sometimes with, sometimes without tight deadlines and initially on a low budget.
Am I an idealist or opportunist? Do I still have the drive to follow through on what dreams I have? Am I ready to give it my all, my best, put my life into this? These are tough questions, which I had believed to have answered far sooner than now.
Wow - the questioning doesn't ever seem to end with me. What might sound like an intriguing personality feature bears a high potential for getting lost on the way. It's been mostly being lost until here. This could be a real turning point - if I give it all I've got.