"We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance.
I must thank Mr. Ford at this point for this quote, because it might be apt to restore some sense of courage in me. This is one of the hardest times I've been facing eversince my divorce some four years ago. Trusted or simply longlasting relationships undergo a dramatic consolidation, which sometimes means to end them, business-related as well as personal ones. To me, change always smells a bit like saying good-bye or farewell - and I'm afraid I have to realize about myself, I'm not doing too well on that part of life....
Let's just say that my Summer 2007-Farewell-posting was about the easiest good-bye of this week. There are others, more profound ones, one of them being to ask my parents to give me some space for an indefinite amount of time, by not calling or contacting me in any way, whatsoever. I'm afraid, there are some more farewells closing in on me.
I'll be sparing you further dreary details as the process I'm going through is a most mundane one every person has to live through every now and then. Only - I have to be doing it all by myself. There's no trusted source I can contact and talk my mind about, no dear friend, who might be able to understand or willing to simply listen. That's what makes this process a bit bitter and solemn. I understand that there are people that most likely would be more than willing to take a listen. Those exact people are some, I may have treated harshly over the past few weeks. Not on purpose, though - I would like to think of myself as a person, who treats everybody as fair as I can. However - and this is where things get tricky - I have had to realize my own limited resources in terms of time and energy. And in my book being fair also includes some continuity as to my demeanor. If I can't positively make sure of that continuity, I'd rather distance myself from any given person - which brings us back to the farewells and break-ups.
Before I feel tempted to enumerate details of what has happened and what might be coming up, let me close by saying that I strongly want to believe that going through the motions like this is a change for the much, much better than some of what I've been through in the past. And what would that "better" look like? Hmmm, for a change it'd be nice to have to fight and struggle a LIIIITTTTTLLLE less, come to terms with myself, my professional life, my livelihood. As an extra, it would be nice to get to know people, who are encouraging, empowering and promoting me - on any level.
Ugh... I guess, I'm saying I hate to say goodbye...