Something's happening. I can't quite say, yet, what it is - but it's definitely a good thing. I feel as if I were on the verge of becoming "whole" again, complete, self-sufficient (hopefully without its accompanying qualities of being self-absorbed or self-righteous... ). I get to embrace my days again, my choices, my little baby-steps (borrowing this term from Sherry) towards a full life. Where "full" doesn't necessarily mean material things - although I don't mind them at all, they give you a certain amount of freedom -, but where the little things last: Today was an exceptionally bright and warm early autumn day, with absolutely clear blue skies, mild temperatures, bugs and bees buzzing, the sweet smell of fall in the air, the light being - well, I have to repeat myself here - just exceptional. Not only was I able to notice all that, it filled me with a sense of appreciation for everything there is. As if someone had whispered in my ear: "It's alright, let go now."
I went on with my day in that feeling, doing some work in the morning, finishing early and using the remaining credit on my waterskiing voucher in the afternoon. What an experience! I remember having continued to go there last summer mostly for the ride on the boat to the offshore platform, where we would do our laps. I will always remember the first time I went out with the group on the boat, listening to the roar of the 360 hp engine, feeling the wind on my face, hearing the emanating surf from the water surface being cut into by the weight and shape of the boat we all sat in or huddled together on the baggage platform. I will never forget the sensation of being alive I felt, when coming around a turn and being overwhelmed with the open view on the entire Alpine mountain panorama! Gosh! What a thrill!
Today was a more quiet day, only a few guys wanting to "travel" to the platform, but the conditions were nice. My first lap was a warm-up, because I haven't been water-skiing all that much this summer. The second lap... oh my god - I certainly don't mean to brag, but let's just say it went so well, it caught the attention of the boat-owner and my fellow sportsmen out there - smooth like butter, fast like the wind, hard on the edge like a catamaran in an upcoming storm. No - I really don't mean to brag, all this is about is sharing the experience.
But on yet another level, it wasn't about dexterity, about regaining strength and some physical shape, no, none of that. It's the balance of powers falling into place for me, running through me and filling me with the sweetest of all vibrations: LIFE!