↑Marinkel *'s blog

i want to say i'm a sweet pussycat
but then i saw my cat eat the head of a pigeon
with the same mouth
that gives me kisses in the morning

ah, the beautiful duality of life

today my father's urn will be burried in an unmarked grave beneath a hazelnut tree. i cannot be there but i don't wish to be. why lock the ashes inside a casket where it cannot rejoin the earth? i only hope that his soul has long escaped his earthly remains and can fly freely to distant universes...

i kiss you goodbye
my love

a while ago i wrote a story called "tapestries" when i still lived in california and it is now very ominous to me because there had been a part missing that i only finished whilst back in europe. this part describes a daughter releasing her father's soul which had been stranded here on earth. at the time my father was still alive of course but now i am getting this sensation that it is exactly my task as i had described in my story...

last night my friend selina told me a myth about a firebird who lived as a woman after she had lost her feathers. but after many years she finds them again and she once again becomes a firebird and leaves her human life behind... and i thought of the significance of this story and i came to the conclusion that it could be simply describing mortality, how the soul is a firebird and takes on human form for a time. in this tale it is the woman's child who finds the feather and brings it to her to remind her of her firebird existence. now who is this child that will once again remind us we can leave here ?

it's the beauty that envelopes you
like the entirety of your emotions unveil you
when you cry
the rain drops pearl down your back
you are life

hannibal's lecture on crossing the alps. don't forget your elephants and for a snack eat your brain. or your neighbor's brain since yours is but a metaphorical one. ice capped mountains with nothingness below. spread your wings and count the pink ones and the purple ones and those with stripes and dots. it's a circus in the air. you write for the show of it.

hannibal's lecture on the future of the human race. smoke breathing chimneys and glowing eyes in the night. metropolitan robots making the machines perform their tricks for them. all around are the shrubs and sands of a lost wasteland. there is no other kind. tumbleweed and metal brains. eat your heart out this time cause even your age old marble teeth will have an impossible time with these.

hannibal's lecture on the traveling moon and the spider who tried to reach it in one infamous night. the moon cut in half by one of your sabers. habratschi came in his big balloon but he couldn't stop you on your mission. softly veiling your secrets and fears. it isn't the bright light of day that tries to always reveal all of you, burn you to all there is left of you is ashes and bones. the moon is gentle with you. she knows there must be room for secrets. she turns yellow in her complicity. sometimes even she wants to be carried.

hannibal's lecture on the golden moschee. in the palm of your land you hold a snow globe. eyes glistening in unbearable anticipation. up the hill and down the hill you cannot know what's around the bend. it is the word of the ancients echoing from its glass walls. they spread the words of god. hear them ringing like snowflakes losing their way inside the tunnels of your ear.

please help! how do i disable the touchpad on my new laptop? the cursor jumps around each time i type cause it is hypersensitive. i don't need it cause i use a mouse instead. i wanna smash the thing!!! btw, everything's in french. grrrrr!

i hardly ever travel through paris unless i have an assignment from work. so today i was sent to la défense. and when a student cancelled i used my won time to wander this wondrous place with music from my brother in my ears. i wished i had brought my camera but since i hadn't the writer's eyes were on alert. there were grand thoughts in my head. it was freezing cold but i didn't care. i was in love today. i am in love anyway but sometimes it expands to all of humanity. or i am suddenly aware that love is never anything but that. it's love or nothing.

something drew me onwards. i stepped onto la jetée. the movie has already made such a huge impact on me, though it was of course the jetée at orly airport. but the sign made me think of it, a long wooden planked boardwalk with really low railing but not far to fall if gravity decided to do its perverse tricks on me (see poe's "imp of the perverse" for reference). to the left of me was a young couple, to the right impressive buildings made of glass, behind me the grande arche, below me the neuilly cemetery. leaves are beginning to appear. and i've been feeling green. yesterday i was hypnotized by these grassgreen earphones a young woman was wearing on the train. but onwards. i thought i could turn around but something told me i would find something very important at the end of the pier. and i did. the words "sophie, je t'aime de tout mon coeur" were scribbled in red pen on the railing. je t'aime de tout mon coeur. i smiled inside out. i smiled. mon coeur. you make me rire, sofia.

i turned to see this grand arche and all was perfect. so many photographers flashing. families with compacts, and professional geeks with their tripods. lovers. in the freezing cold. and me high above the graves. let the sleepers rest, i thought. i am flying high. ha, i was daring the universe to give me the most pathetic flights of fancy, embracing the grandeur of this here human race and how in spite of death we have lived to build and create. airplanes crossing the sky, fireworks exploding in sudden ruptures. and i yelled out, come on, pigeon, i dare you, shit on my head, shit on this moment, bring me back to reality. but none did. maybe even the pigeons were in tune with this alignment of all the stars and the arches and fantasms. or they were too damned cold and huddled beneath a cozier roof somewhere.

really, there are no defenses for the heart, it is an open door, and the winds pass through it with all the whispers of the past present and futures. if you dare to walk through it... oh the discoveries are endless. if you have seen the caverns dark and mysterious and pushed ahead, you are the truly brave.

so how do you show your love?

waterlillies
blood oranges

chocolate
melon

sunrise
moonset

north
south

an
endless
ocean
see

drawn temporarily out of my inertia by my best friend and collaborator louise, she sent me a task to do: write the words to her latest set of doll pictures. i happily complied... and was overjoyed by how much she loves them. have a look if you wish... i'd be happy to get your feedback too.

http://flickr.com/photos/8504507@N02/sets/72157604301023116/

a sample:

"marblequeen with the unbrushed hair
go fetch her some water
so she may wash away your sins
you went through the golden gate
and the gate of coal
forgive me, you plead
and all she replies is
give me more"