Marinkel *'s blog/

you've heard this phrase "all is fair in love and war"... is it true though? would you do anything to get what you want? would you cheat, blackmail, deceive, feign friendship, tell lies so you could win or keep the one you love? when you feel betrayed you feel the whole world is against you and has treated you unkindly. then there is the question whether you would have done the same injustice to someone else if you felt you had to, satisfy an ego craving. but then, aren't ego relationships without substance? when you are giving love freely in the ideal world you will not expect anything back, unless it is also freely given. a forced love isn't love. a love won through deceit - can it be love?

but then, don't we build new cities on old graves, new happiness on old pains? birth never happens without blood shed. though this never excuses the pain we cause each other...

chain reaction

i walked home from the street festival alone. the moon shone her rays onto my path. it had been raining off and on so the cobble stones were glistening in the silver light. people had gotten drunk and as they will when losing inhibitions had thrown their bottles in the street, littering it with broken glass. i had left the happy couple behind, they were off to return to the spot where they had first met just two months ago. it was still early into their relationship, all was new, and the shadows on the horizon had not caught up with them. possibly they could continue running from them forever. but my head and heart had grown heavy and i was no longer able to do the petty small talk, despite the few beers i had consumed in order to alleviate my dark mood. i should have known better that a dark mood only gets darker from the drug. ominous as the night had begun, it had simply penetrated my skin. and so i forgot that i needed to avoid a particular street, a particular house, a certain window. it was still lit, and as if i had forgotten, i peeped in and i saw them in a close embrace. the woman turned to face me and gave me the provoking glance that said she had taken my place, taken over my home, taken over his heart. it felt like a game between me and her. then the lights went dark. the drama had been played out, a short scene to make my scars bleed anew. i understood why the wolves howled at the moon - to release the evergrowing emptiness of the heart. suddenly i felt a presence behind me, someone had been following me, watching me. out of the shadow i heard his broken voice, saying, "it appears you are still not over him" then his footsteps disappeared into the night.

is it the writing that keeps you at an arm's length? you want to stay here, he asked. she said no, i couldn't be bothered, and she grabbed her new fur coat and left. she couldn't be bothered, he mumbled under his breath, piss off then, and he slammed the door behind her. he turned to face the damage that'd been left behind but he never saw what she had done to his insides. only years later, the doctors told him he had a rare heart disease. but the sensation that came right after was one he would never forget. as if in a trance he lay upon the rough orange carpet in the hall so that his back touched the ground. from underneath him came a rumbling noise and he felt a strange tingle in his right hand shoulder blade. something entered his body and pierced straight through his chest. the neighbors later recalled a scream so unearthly it made their blood freeze. he saw what had caused the tingle was growing out of his chest, with multiple black arms, turning into branches, becoming a tree. leaves began to sprout and bright red cherries appeared on the ends of twigs. his mouth was a big gaping hole from which not a sound escaped now. he must have lay there for hours, days on end. blossoms blew around him, white soft gentle ones making him forget the pain. i should have been kind, he thought. then a cherry plummeted to earth and fell into his gaping mouth. he choked and closed his eyes. when he opened them again, the tree had returned to from where it had sprung. but nothing was as it had been before. he said later, he considered himself lucky the tree hadn't pierced his beating heart.

 

i found this inspired by elsa's reference to one of my pics... boy girl song, the eternal song of how they can and they cannot...

looks like i am moving again, this time to PARIS!!!! yey. well, so i need a flat, an appartement, une chambre dans une coloc... anything! si vous avez des suggestions pour moi, je les féliciterais...

 

xoxo

and yes, quite mad as well... ;)

i do love quotes and this one i just came across and would like to share. so i am. i have been a fan of anaïs nin since my teens (and have not updated, possibly is but a teen craze, isn't it?), loved the film "henry and june" as well as the book, used to fantasize about impossible love affairs. when they do happen, of course, it isn't as romantic as all that, but rather painful. and yet, one does get a good bit of writing out of them (see shakespeare and so on...) so without further ado, here it is:

Our love of each other was like two long shadows
kissing without hope of reality.
– Anaïs Nin

ce soir, si vous êtes sur paris, venez chez "edwards and sons" sur la place pigalle pour prendre un verre avec moi et quelques amis. c'est un double anniversaire de moi et de mon amie cécile. moi, je ne parle beaucoup de francais, mais les autres, oui! ;)

see you there!

xoxo

i am getting so used to seeing who comes and looks at my pics. and then there are those mysterious "anonymous" ones. that bugs me now. you should join ipernity and show us your face! :))

 

not that i

m

 a spy

or any   THING