i hardly ever travel through paris unless i have an assignment from work. so today i was sent to la défense. and when a student cancelled i used my won time to wander this wondrous place with music from my brother in my ears. i wished i had brought my camera but since i hadn't the writer's eyes were on alert. there were grand thoughts in my head. it was freezing cold but i didn't care. i was in love today. i am in love anyway but sometimes it expands to all of humanity. or i am suddenly aware that love is never anything but that. it's love or nothing.

something drew me onwards. i stepped onto la jetée. the movie has already made such a huge impact on me, though it was of course the jetée at orly airport. but the sign made me think of it, a long wooden planked boardwalk with really low railing but not far to fall if gravity decided to do its perverse tricks on me (see poe's "imp of the perverse" for reference). to the left of me was a young couple, to the right impressive buildings made of glass, behind me the grande arche, below me the neuilly cemetery. leaves are beginning to appear. and i've been feeling green. yesterday i was hypnotized by these grassgreen earphones a young woman was wearing on the train. but onwards. i thought i could turn around but something told me i would find something very important at the end of the pier. and i did. the words "sophie, je t'aime de tout mon coeur" were scribbled in red pen on the railing. je t'aime de tout mon coeur. i smiled inside out. i smiled. mon coeur. you make me rire, sofia.

i turned to see this grand arche and all was perfect. so many photographers flashing. families with compacts, and professional geeks with their tripods. lovers. in the freezing cold. and me high above the graves. let the sleepers rest, i thought. i am flying high. ha, i was daring the universe to give me the most pathetic flights of fancy, embracing the grandeur of this here human race and how in spite of death we have lived to build and create. airplanes crossing the sky, fireworks exploding in sudden ruptures. and i yelled out, come on, pigeon, i dare you, shit on my head, shit on this moment, bring me back to reality. but none did. maybe even the pigeons were in tune with this alignment of all the stars and the arches and fantasms. or they were too damned cold and huddled beneath a cozier roof somewhere.

really, there are no defenses for the heart, it is an open door, and the winds pass through it with all the whispers of the past present and futures. if you dare to walk through it... oh the discoveries are endless. if you have seen the caverns dark and mysterious and pushed ahead, you are the truly brave.

so how do you show your love?