honesty

what is it really? this picture, wearing clown powder, hiding my skin, but accentuating the eyes, the emotion that gathers in them. i am always only showing a part of myself. what is most important at this time, or what i want to explore further, deeper. every so often i receive comments that reflect on my emotional well-being. and anyone who knows me in real life knows me laughing. but in my art i explore more often than not the sadness, larger than myself. i choose this part because maybe it defines something inside of myself, a feeling i was born with, more pronounced than happiness. my sister mentioned this to me, how people have commented that i look "grim" in my pictures. so i answered that i have her lovely daughter to explore happiness within my work. i said that real life is for laughing, for me. and she stated how it is her daughter who is grim in real life. which is of course not always true, but it seems in art maybe we reflect the mirror of what we do not explore in life. i used to think that others are my mirror, but i m beginning to realize it is more like the shadow through a keyhole that appears upside down on your walls. the other is the part that you just do not see when you look at yourself in the mirror. so whatever you see, whatever touches you, turn yourself upside down, inside out, and there you are, in another light.