She promised she'd log on tonight... But there's many a thing that might be keeping her. There's traffic jam, there's an emergency at work maybe... She lives in Tokyo after all, aye? Maybe she's just too tired... Maybe she'll sleep the morning away... T'is Sunday mornin' there... Meself, I'm sleepless, but she's not... T'is no challenge stayin' awake for weeks on end... Can't sleep anyway, not since... No. I won't go there. Rory's forgiven me, t'is what matters. I don't know why, but he has. Brothers we've been our whole life and some more. And still I can't open up... And how would I...? To whom? Aidan? No,that one's too far gone into becoming dad... Why do people become ghosts, I wonder...? Oh, I loved the man, aye, but he's gone... And acting like him won't bring him back... Deirdre already knows. I don't need words with her. T'is looks, and she knows what's in me heart as I know what's in hers... Which is why she's tryin' to bring that hot friend of hers over from god knows where... Miriam... Beautiful name, beautiful girl... But...
I've never been the pine and sigh type. T'is monotonous. I should go out tonight. The lads are gone either to Japan or to Rio... Rory is working tonight... Bloody hell, House, did you have to work tonight? I could call Darren though... Gather some o' the college lads and... And then there's Renée... She's a child all right, but t'is a bloody bugger to have her following me 'round wagging her tale like an eager puppy... I was 16 once... I understand... But how many times will I have to tell her...? I'm ten years her senior, for f*ck's sake... And I already have someone else in... No, I don't.
T'is about time she was around... Maybe in the bath before we talk... And if I don't get me mind somewhere else right now, I'll be needin' a shower meself. A cold one.


How's it even possible to feel like this...? I've never seen her face... I don't even know the woman's name... How can I paint curves if I don't know them? Give her words a voice, a sweet and delicate tone to her shy words... F*cking hell am I really making a symphony out of everyday lives written in Kanji through skype? If I don't watch meself, t'is after takin' those things Owen takes I'll be... How did I get meself in this blind alley...? We both speak Japanese, but that's pretty much all there is to it, isn't it? Róise does too, and we had a fling, no more... And Róise is here, Deirdre is here... She's across the world from me... She has a boyfriend she says... Does she indeed? Or is she just afraid of me? I should be doing something else, I should be thinking of something else... But tryin' to fool meself is about the most pathetic trick I could have up me sleeve. There's no escapin' your own mind, is there? The worst monsters are those lurking in the dark corners of the mind... Memories they are, yearnings too, like mine own... Memories that burn and bite, like the crashed car bit into Rory's leg that night... And thoughts that grab you by the heel. And when they do, there's no letting go on ye. How ridiculous can I get before I'm done with this whole love mess? Loving a ghost... Well, she's alive, aye, but just as immaterial... Why, I might try to solve the mystery, aye, but will she answer? And if she does, what then? Do I tell her how I feel, then? If she's not terrified now, t'is just that she'll be when I do... Her boyfriend clearly makes her unhappy... That's there in what she says as well as in those things she left unsaid... Hangs in the air above us, it does... But could I make her any happier? I'm just as a ghost to her as this supposed boyfriend... If not a wee bit more, than that... At least that man has a face. At least he is present. He is there for her...And I'm here, half the world away...


Sh*t... T'is a labyrinth with no way out of it... I walked straight into the mouth o' the dragon... How, how did I get involved like this? Me of all people... Never attached meself to anyone. I never wanted any of it, any of the bloody lingering pain it brings with it... T'is out I should be, having the bants with some shams, and not here sitting in the f*cking dark waiting for a faceless woman I... I can't help but yearn for... She might be with her boyfriend for all I know, having some fun and frolic while I make a fool of meself... Send in the f*cking clowns says that sad song Deirdre's so fond of... At least she's happy now, me own dear sister... And maybe she'll drive the ghosts away from Aidan, and he'll be himself again... Which leaves just me own ghosts to deal with...


And I bloody will. As soon as she's online, I'll tell her. I'll tell her me name, I'll show her me face tell her what I feel about her. No more playin' games in the dark. How much longer can I sit around here and pretend nothing's happened to me? I'm no child, like poor Renée... The wee lass never had her heart broken, I suppose... And I don't quite like the fact that I'll be the one who'll break it... But I've a heart of me own to care for... And I've got to try at least. If she loves her man, she'll tell me no, but that's better than all the silence and all the words we both left unsaid 'till now, isn't it? Oh, I can feel the tension clear enough... It comes from her too... T'isn't just meself, no... We're adults, and so far we've both consented... I just hope she'll keep consenting... I just hope she'll wants me near her as I do... Two bloody years talking... And I need to call her something other than "OtakuGirl87" I've always called Aidan a turtle when it came to women... But it took him a year and a half, and there's the man meeting the f*cking parents... And I couldn't get past a kawaii avatar and a web nickname... Oh, I got past it in many a way, aye, and we talk private and not only literature anymore... But still... The turtle made it faster than me... Not that I was looking for attachments, but... Karma...


OtakuGirl87: "Konnichiwaaaaaaaaaa! ^____^"
Hellsing87: "Konnichiwa nee... Did ye sleep well there?"
OtakuGirl87: "Hai! U havin' fun there?"
Hellsing87: "Oh, the night is young, aye? But I'm havin' meself a quiet one. Friends workin'... Brother travellin'... "
OtakuGirl87: "What are u doing?"
Hellsing87: "Oh, this 'n' that... Listening to an amazing guy called Elliot Crane. D'ye know him?"
OtakuGirl87: "Hai Haaai! He's amazing! I love his songs!"
Hellsing87: "Fierce amazing, aye? And ye...? What are ye up to?"
OtakuGirl87: "Reading some fashion gossip on Vogue Jp... And getting breakfast done... I woke up late today..."
Hellsing87: "Oh I know..."
OtakuGirl87: "OMG! You were waiting for me??? I'm so sorry! I slept the whole morning!!! And it's past time for lunch already! It's three in the afternoon... Which means... Oh no... Did U wait for me all night long there???"
Hellsing87: "Oh, I don't mean it that way, I... I didn't mean to upset ye... But, aye, I did... I wanted to talk to ye... I think we should meet..."
OtakuGirl87: "..."
Hellsing87: "I know ye live somewhere in Japan... And I'm in Ireland..."
OtakuGorl87: "In Ireland???"
Hellsing87: "Aye. I'm Irish."
OtakuGorl87: "OMG Are u Owen O'Hagan???"
Helsing87: "LOL NOOO!!! Kidding... He's me teacher at college."
OtakuGirl87: "Your... Teacher?"
Hellsing87: "Aye. T'is better than it sounds, really..."
OtakuGirl87: "I heard he's kinda "No Country For Old Men", if you know what I mean..."
Hellsing87: "If ye're stupid enough to think that being a Japanese student you don't really need to know how to read and write in Japanese, you bet he is..."
OtakuGirl87: "U serious??? LOLOLOLOL"
Hellsing87: "Deadly serious. There's many a shitehead who actually try that feat... I imagine how appaling this notion might be to you..."
OtakuGorl87: "He doesn't sound so scary anymore... I wonder why Rosa is so afraid of him..."
Hellsing87: "Rosa???? As in Rosa Hannigan???"
OtakuGirl87: "U know her???"
Hellsing87: "U kidding, lass? She's one o' my best friends! Herself and Deirdre"
OtakuGirl87: "You know Dee????? OMG I miss them SO MUCH"
It can't be... Can it?? Can it please be...?
Hellsing87: "... R U Miriam?"
OtakuGirl87: "I am! Who are you??"
Hellsing87: "I can't believe it! T'is Séan! Séan MacDiarmuid! Deirdre's old roommate!"
OtakuGirl87: "Mr Tent for ten???"
Hellsing87: "Ah... Sorry?"
OtakuGirl87: "Oh... I shouldn't have said that... I'm sorry..."
Hellsing87: "Shouldn't have...? I don't understand... I..."
OtakuGirl87: "It's just that... When you shared rooms with Dee... I saw you on her webcam when...When you came from the shower... And the towel... Well..."
Hellsing87: "U met me from the waist down first then, is that what ye're after telling me...? And the tent..." Oh sh*t...
OtakuGirl87: "Yeah. That's right. But I shouldn't be saying those things. Your girlfriend will be upset, and you might be upset too right now..."
Hellsing87: "Girlfriend? But I don't have..."
Otakugirl87: "Congratulations by the way... It's on Vogue... You both are a beautiful couple... Well, she's a supermodel, right? And you... You too..."
Hellsing87: "On Vogue? Supermodel...? I don't understand... Miriam, I need to talk to you. About us."
OtakuGirl87: "Gotta go. Boyfriend just arrived for breakfast. Congratulations again."
Hellsing87: "Miriam wait..."
OtakuGirl 87 is offline.


Offline... Gone... She's gone... No, no, she can't be gone... Not now that... That I know... The two women I wanted... Are the same... They're the same... And she's gone... Breathe... I gotta breathe, I gotta get past this, t'is no time for asthma to kick in... I haven't had a crisis in ages, and I won't have one now. Not bloody now. Hurts like f*cking hell... I'm stronger than that... Focus... Just focus... She said... Boyfriend here for breakfast. Well, that sounds like a bloody excuse all right. Congratulations again... For what? If I keep breathing I'll be grand... She says I've a girlfriend... But I've never had a girlfriend in me whole life, for f*ck's sake! How can she possibly believe... Wait... Read it on Vogue, says she... On Vogue??? What the f*ck am I doin' on Vogue then? 'Tisn't the books, no... Vogue's own chief editor told Róise me books are too clever for their target audience... Though Miriam IS smarter than their audience... But how the bloody buggering hell did I end up in f*cking Vogue...? She's a supermodel... Supermodel... And you too, says she... Me?? But I only... T'was only once, for the money... The money I was saving to travel to Tokyo and meet me mystery girl... I'm no supermodel. Vogue Jp. Right, here I am... Now where's the ... What the f*ck...???
"Supermodel Renée Huntington and Male Model Seán MacDiarmuid... Have been seen together in their hometown, Dublin"... But we weren't! She was following me! "Blah blah blah... On her Twitter last week... Quoting: It's official! He finally proposed... Call me future Mrs... MAC DIARMUID?????" WHAT THE F*CK IS THIS LASS ABOUT?? "Renée said in an interview... Séan was worried about our age difference, but... True love knows no boundaries...???" I can't believe I pitied her!!! Here I was, all careful about her young heart... And she's pretending to the whole f*cking world that we're together! I can't leave it like this... There's gotta be something I can do to stop this girl... But what...?

Davin... Davin can help me... He's a bloody lawyer for f*ck's sake! But he's in his honeymoon... T'wouldnd't be fair to him and Oscar to cut their honeymoon short, since they'll be apart for a while after... Uncle Séamus has bigger fish to fry than this nobody girl... Maybe I should contact her parents. She IS underaged... But would that bring Miriam back?? Would any of it...? No... I gotta do something about Miriam first... And I'll go tell Renée to change her diapers later... Now, where's me bloody phone anyway? Ah, there it is. Grand then...
Seán: "Rosa, is that you?"
Isolde: "S... Séan...? h... Hi... Rosa isn't home now..."
Séan: "Isolde, where is she?"
Isolde: "She left for the gym not ten minutes ago..."
Séan: "Listen, sweetheart, can you do me a favor then?"
Isolde: "A.. Aye..."
Séan: "Call your cousin, then, would ye? Please, tell her to skip gym classes today and go home... Tell her I need her... Please..."
Isolde: "Are ye all right there...?"
No. No I'm not.
Séan: "I'll be all right lass. But please call her..."
Isolde: "I will, aye."
Séan: "Thanks a million, lass. I'll see you soon, then."
Isolde: "Bye."
Séan: "Bye, lass."
And now Rory, His shift must be almost over now. I'll text him on the way to Róise's. I'm not goin' to lose her... T'is about time I stop pretending anyway... My heart's lost to her, and there's no one else... The old man used to say that we always know... And I understand now... There'll be no one else... And I'm not gonna let her slip away...