...the alarm clock rang. 8:36 am. Incredible. It did it again! For the second time in a week that thing went off at 8:36 although she had set it for 7:33. Better get the show on the road, Tüiinää, she said to herself. This morning Tüiinää Kyöttillää was supposed to have an important meeting with Professor Uuzzi Tuzzii. She works at the Redundancy University for Redundancy Studies in Vantaa, Finland, and she's a Redundant Professor at the Redundancy Department of Redundancy for Redundant 16th Century Redundant Estonian Language Research. Tüiinää was about to almost complete her 616th research paper on "The Effect of 16th Century Estonian on the Blood Pressure of the Contemporary Internet User" that was co-authored (to be completely truthful, just the paragraph "Materials and Methods") by Professor Uuzzi Tuzzii.
He teaches Cimmerian Bucolic Literature. In fact, he's the only person who still speaks Cimmerian, and, as a result, has received a great number of awards and recognitions in his field. Since we all know (yes, you too) that Cimmerian is distantly related to Finnish, which is more or less distantly related to Estonian, we are well aware that Uuzzi Tuzzii's contribution would theoretically amount to nothing but to positive publicity for Tüiinää's paper. As has been known for decades, whenever the name Uuzzi Tuzzii shows up on a paper, it's a sure guarantee for wide recognition among the scientific community. Not for Professor Uuzzi Tuzzii himself - the interest in Cimmerian bucolic literature is increasingly diminishing and decreasingly low. However, for reasons not yet fully understood the appearance of his name has almost magic qualities to promote the other authors to fame and fortune.
"What is it about that obscure Uuzzi Tuzzii and his even more obscure Cimmerian bucolic literature..." these were the thoughts going through Tüiinää's head while she was driving 150 kmph past a 90 sign on the Huuluuvuu Expressway to downtown Vantaa, listening on the radio to the The Blue Ghost Blues Band's one and only Finnish version "L.Ä. Syääweerf eekaät eem eemoöh" of their hit "L.A. Freeways take me home".
It was December. [Editor: Who cares?]
When a MäcDonäälds was appearing on the horizon
Tüiinää realized that she hadn't had breakfast yet, not even a cup of coffee laced with Vantaa vodka(a). She made a U-turn and drove through the drive-through.
A few minutes later she approached one of Vantaa's busiest intersections where Mikka Häkkinen Road and Kaurismäki Avenue encounter. Every day for the past 15 years, ever since they had been renamed to Mikka Häkkinen Road and Kaurismäki Avenue.
The traffic light on her side of the intersection was red. Tüiinää was waiting impatiently for the light to turn green. In the meantime she sipped her freshly brewed Vantaa vodka(a) with coffee.
All of a sudden, the traffic lights went dark, or blank (or whatever the correct term may be in English - 16th century redundant Estonian describes it very appropriately by the word "äärgh").
Wäay Coöl! Power failüre. What noöüw? Tüiinää knoüws thät Uuzzi Tuzzii hates to wääit, and iif he döoes wääit, he üüsually leaves ääfter fiive minüütes. She checked iif the intersectiöon was clear so she could drive acrööss - but nüöo. The crööss trääffic on Kaurismäki Avenue was büsier than eever.
She häd just maäde üüp her miind tö call Uuzzi Tuzzii ön her cell phoöne and fabricate a störy ääbout mälfunctioniing träaffiic lights, when she nöticed thaät fröm the right siide...
...........................................................äärgh!!!
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