Lest you the reader think that I am simply doing a self absorbed spiel on my sorrows I want to share a small bit of the measure of my cousin Danny. http://blog-omotives.blogspot.com/2007/01/artistprankster-danny-finegood-loses.html

This article was one of dozens about him and the one of the marks he made on the world. I don't necessarily think it was the most important but it was the most visible. He changed the iconic Hollywood sign to spell Hollyweed and changed it on a few other occasions. Danny was an artist and person interested in the world about him, he combined the two to make his comment on current events in a way that was interesting and evocative. I loved Danny like a brother, I was the youngest of 4 sons and Danny was six months younger than me and we grew up together. Danny was something that I definitely did not see myself as, he was "cool" in so many ways. He also had the life that I felt was golden and I was quite envious of him, his relative prosperity, his ease with people, his travels and his seeming constant sense of success in his life. Marriage, home, family business these all seem to flow to him. But I was not jealous as he never had that "self entitlement" that you find with so many of the scummy yuppies in New York or elsewhere. He was always generous and kind in a modest way and was always very nice to me and made me feel good about me. I never understood his thinking that I was anything special but I treasured that about him. I know after people die there is a tendency to forget their faults and elevate all their positive attributes but with Danny, his faults were of the truly forgivable sort and his inner decency just overwhelmed the other stuff. So it was a tremendous shock to me to find out about his illness late in its progression and when I sped out to Los Angeles to see him, his physical condition left me stunned and in tears. The final big moment I had with him was to rush him with his wife to the same hospital where my father had passed away. I was not happy about that but we had no choice and I understand the place was much better than before, but the emotional reverberations were killing me. And the last time I saw him, he had remarked that he had trouble dealing with the random nature of events that were happening to him in that place. I did get to say goodbye but it seems that I am not healing as I would have thought.

Danny was special to me and I discovered to so many others and they knew him in ways and times I never had and got to see sides to him I will never get to. As I said before, family is important to me and Danny was very close family.

I don't really know why I am writing this, I am not saying it is to share, I guess in some ways it is about putting my thoughts down in way to confront them. I have said these things before to other people and the spiral of feelings is still spinning my core into some other place.

ta ta for now