Though this may sound some irrelevance to any of you reading this, I am very sleepy at the moment. I started thinking today when a little one who is a foster child on the caseload of my coworker said to me, "You look sad. Why?" It did not dawn to me that I must be wearing a face of unhappiness. However at the time I was on the phone with one of my foster children from my caseload. Perhaps it was an initial reaction. Children tend to see things in you before anyone or yourself will see. I looked at her when she said it. Her eyebrows was furrowed as if she was trying to further read me or understand. Perhaps she related to the pain. She has to have sad days in her life. I smiled when she came over to talk with me. She had so many questions and giggles. I forgot what sadness was at the time. We often take a lot of things for granted. When we think that we have it forever, we really don't. To trick us to feeling better, we push back and shove tightly what we actually feel.

I think that this little girl wanted to solve my sadness. My coworker told her, "She is on the phone. Don't ask her those questions." She was a clear distraction, but I appreciated her sense of caring. Taking yourself and separating yourself, it is often hard to do in environments where everything is completely sensitive. So I am taking moments right now to reflect on my day. We must do it and somehow let it go. Some things is ok to take with us, but others are like heavy baggage. You cannot drag it forever. It will lead you to nothing.

But tonight. I will smile because just a little voice made me wake up. This little girl is a completely a doll. IT is so sad how children end up in the system. None of it is deserved, but do you go on hating for what happened. So I always try to build strength from knowing that life is just tough as it is. And the lives I work with on a daily basis, is perhaps even tougher. Maybe life is just a fight. You just got to endure all of it, and never feel afraid to get knocked out. A vacation is what I am needing. Sometimes I spend my night before I fall asleep to just night dream. I do not even remember having dreams lately. Perhaps I am too tired to remember.