• 12:48 P.M. Where my daughter is.
I'm just waking up and she's been waiting for hours to tell me her problems. I love her but I'm not the answer to everything, nor do I have the answer to everything. This is why I stumble around alone in the woods as much as possible. aargh!
Next subject, normally when I stumble around in the woods it's without my cam because I am not disciplined enough to keep walking without clicking every two seconds- which defeats the purpose of attempting a cardio workout. Step, click, step really isn't much of a workout for the heart though it's good for the soul. What I'm saying is, you won't see a lot of pics from my walks. I only allow myself to bring my cam with me once a week.
September 30- 2nd anniversary of my mother's death. Can't shake the feeling she was telling me I'm going to have an untimely death.
October- my love celebrates his 50th wedding anniversary. Says he needs documentation, uncertain of date.
November 8- 19th anniversary of my dad's suicide. It passes more easily these days.
November 25- I turn 50. Better than the alternative. And yes, I know my love has been married one month longer than I've been alive. What can I say?
I've spent the summer trying to take care of myself. I've neglected me for far too long. I've had a pain in my throat and ear since June. My doctor has given me anti-depressants, a cat scan, referrals to a specialist and nasal spray. The specialist was a prick, twice. There's no other way to put it. He treated me as if I was a bored housewife with nothing better to do than visit his assholeyness. Excuse me, I'm pissed and he really a was a Napoleanic wonder. He's the only ear nose and throat specialist in my area. So it's him or travel many miles away to receive decent care and if treatment in hospital is necessary it means I would have to be treated away from home. Perhaps I have a vivid imagination. When I was 5 I had to be excused from kindergarten because I was standing under pine trees with my friends and I suddenly felt as if pine needles were in my throat. I'm an anxious type and as an adult I presumed I must have had my first panic attack at age five. More recently I've worried I intuited my own death circumstances. I really dislike premonitions. I don't find them helpful at all.
Back to the woods and studio.