music is a friend

an ear

a voice

a companion

it's everything to me.

 

but like all good things,

eventually you want to share it with someone

no-one around,

only those who you rebuffed,

trying only to make you smile,

a laugh for a while.

 

why so sad,

never glad.

always a tear near,

except in times of expectancy,

nothing will appear

 

a wall of stone

cold shimmering eyes

introverted

alone

gratification in the form of self-pity

untouchable

 

in times of stress

thoughts meander to places never reached

people never met

resting somewhere so beautiful,

it can only have been imagined

 

 

what happened to my world?

where did it go?

chasing carrots,

avoiding sticks,

where is the end now

 

where once a future stood,

now an old blackboard,

smeared in black and white,

 

nothing is certain,

for me

or for them

so much light has been extinguished,

so much darkness has crept in

 

yet on the face of it,

the world was never better,

why can't i find this optimism?

 

the darkness is a reflection

on ideals, hopes

and a recognition of reviled flaws

all within ones self.

 

obstacles to change,

too many, too insurmountable

a wish to help,

to call others,

is all i dream of

 

yet even that is an industry

no personal agenda,

no religious connotations,

no ego,

just wanting to help

why can't people see that?

 

instead one must compete

and prove

and win

the right to make things better

what does this say about us?????????????????????????//

 

racing towards extinction, only faster now. that's the human 'race'.

2005