I thought you'd like a laugh or two - these are actual answers to questions for the GCSG exams. These exams are the General Certificate of Secondary Education (GCSE), an academic qualification awarded in a specified subject, generally taken in a number of subjects by students aged 14-16 in secondary education in England, Wales and Northern Ireland. So all I can say is ''Heaven help us''...................

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot. The climate in the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere...........

2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinnessis, am and eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children Kane, asked ''I am my brother's son?''

3. Moses lead the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanid to get the Ten Commandments. He died before he reached Canada.

4. Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

5. The Greeks were highly sculptured people and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths...a myth is a female moth.

6. Actually Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death his career suffered a dramatic decline.

8. In the Olympic games, the Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits and threw the java.

9. Eventually the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stay in one place for very long.

10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March killed him because they thought he was going to be made King. Dying he gasped out ''Tee Hee Brutus''.

11. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was connonised by Bernard Shaw.

12. The Magna Carta provided that no man be hanged twice for the same offence.

13. In mideveill times most people were aliterate. The greatest write of th futile ages was Chaucer, whoc wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.

14. Another story was William Tell who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

15 Queen Elizabeth was the ''Virgin Queen''. As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted ''hurrah''.

16. It was a great age of inventions and discoveries. Gutenburg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Frances Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

17. The greatest writer of the Renaissance in William Shakespeare. He was born in 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and was famous only because of his plays. He wrot tragedies. comedies and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a herois couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

18. John Milton wrot Paradise Lost then his wife die and he wrote Paradise Regained.

19. During the Renaissance, America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing around the Atlantic. His ships were called Nina, Pinta and Santa Fe.

20. Later pilgrims crossed the Atlantic and this was called the pilgrim' progress The winter of 1620 was hard and there were many babes born and people died. Captain John Smith was responsible for all of this.

21. On of the causes of the Revolutionary war was that the English put tacksin their tea. Also the colonits would send parcels through the post without putting stamps on them. Finally the colonists won the war and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the contented congress. Thomas Jefferson, a virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the declaration of independance.

22. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared ''A horse divided against itself cannot stand''. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

23. Soon the constitution of the U.S. was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

24. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest precedent. His mother died in infancy and he was born in a log cabin, which he built with his own hands. He freed the slaves b signing the emasculation proclamation. On the 14.4.1865 Lincoln went to the theatre and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show.

25. In Europe the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and wrote a book called 'Candy'.

26. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is mainly noticeable in autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.

27. Bacl wrote a great many musical compositions and had many children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in the attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. He was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English, he was very large.

28. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf, he was so deaf he wrote loud music, he expired in 1827 and later died of this.

29. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted into napoleon. He wanted an heir to his power but since Josephine was a barroness, she could not have any children.

30. The sun never set on the British Empire because the empire is in the east and the sun sets in the west.

31. Queen Victoria was the longest Queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years.

32. The 19th century was a time for great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormack invented the McCormack raper, which did the job of 100 men.

33. Louis Pasteur discovered the cure for rabbis.

34. Charles Darwin, a naturalist, wrote the organ of the species. Madman Curie discovered the radio.

35. Karl Marx became on of the Marx Brothers.

I hope you've had a good giggle - I did when I first read it.....