01. Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.
02. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
03. If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.
04. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
05. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
06. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.
07. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
08. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
09. Thank You For Pot Smoking.
10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
11. If At First You Don't Succeed... Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
14. Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.
15. Flying Figs Gather No Moss.
16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.
17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.
18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
19. I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha.
20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me.
21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.
22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
23. If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
24. The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name.
25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.