In answer to my 'Charlotte' blog, Bernard has answered:

"Oh dear, I have a confession to make.

The other day when my gardener was cutting the grass in my back garden we came across a partially deflated ball. Maybe six or seven inches across. Thinking it must belong to one of Terrys' kiddies I picked it up and tossed it one handed over the fence.
It went straight up and then straight down.............straight onto the head of one of Terrys' chickens.

You've never seen chickens run so fast. The lot of them were inside their coop in seconds."

That's not half the story.

About a week ago Bernard went into his back garden and there was a brown chicken staring at him through the fence (a relative of Charlotte?). She turned her head from side to side to stare at him, first one eye then the other.

The next day there was a second chicken. This one quite young and all black. It was small enough to get its entire head through the fence to stare at Bernard. They were joined the next day by two more brown ones all doing the same trick. Bernard winked at them and the black one pulled back in horror.

Over the next few days the flock grew to about ten chickens. When Bernard walks up his garden path they run along to keep pace with him. Sometimes climbing on each others backs to get a better look.

Up and down, up and down..........not a sound from the mesmerised chickens. The question is what are they looking at (in their minds)? Seeking revenge for Charlotte perhaps or do they see him as 'Death From Above' delivered by deflated balls?

And what can they do about him? Attack of the killer chickens?


Perhaps they'll organise and bring in some seagulls? Alfred Hitchcock would have loved this.

Are they watching him for further 'misdeeds,' (throwing BBQd Charlotte over the fence, & then who could expect the ball he tossed to bonk one on the head?) or can it be a warning? Exactly what can chickens do in self defense?

What will these chickens do. Chickens are quite stupid, (let Bernard tell you about the 'line,') but like most stupid humans, are capable of terrible crimes.

If they formed a protest, could Bernard call in the SWAT Team, or could they peck him to death? *Shudder*


In a court of law, if in self defense, Bernard shot the chickens, who would be judged guilty? The victim of course, Bernard.

We must think of some way to get those chickens in burlap bags without making a ruckus, & throw them over a cliff...or...take them to the butcher to have them nicely dressed for roasting & donate them to the poor.

Anonomously, of course.