49. Forgiveness

Have we ever stopped to think what we are doing when we seek forgiveness? Do we know what forgiveness is?
And then I mean what it is? Not what we would like it to be, which obviously would be what each of us would create for his own benefits. But what it truly is, the reality of it?

It has always been seen as honesty and somewhat noble to ask forgiveness when doing ill to others or stepping outside the norm society sets us.
Our upbringing as well as our children’s upbringing has made the importance of that very clear.
It has been so highly valued that people have been forced to apologize against their own will. 

When we do on to others, whether without realizing it or planed, the one we hurt knows what we have done. He must know, this is his valuation of the deed. Otherwise there would be no deed.
When we then realize what we have done we go to the victim and ask him to accept our deed as alright. And by that to make our conscience clear and frees us from the consequences of the deed.
If the victim won’t forgive us we often get offended. And then the victim may expect some more ill deeds or negative actions from us.
If the victim accepts our forgiveness we become good people and maybe somewhat better than before.
We can therefore say that doing on to others is good. At least it does not lessen our egos.
The meaning of forgiveness would then be first to do on to someone and the ask that someone to accept it as alright.
This sounds right, sensible and maybe we could agree on it. But something is missing.

Violation can never be others doing, only our receiving. And then it makes no difference what the deed is.
We can say someone has belongings another takes from him and therefore the other has violated against the one.
But it isn’t so unless the one takes it like that. For if the one gives away his belongings there is no violation.
It doesn’t matter how we try to get out of this. Whether we set it on to spiritual matters or physical, violation can only be violation if the victim decides that’s how it is.
The same goes when we decide we have done on to others and ask forgiveness. The violation is simply our valuation of ourselves and our actions and has nothing to do with others.

The reasons we ask forgiveness is the fact we cant stand alone, by ourselves. So we turn to others and ask them to accept us and see us as good enough as we are. That’s all.
This is the real meaning of forgiveness.
When we stand in front of others who say we have violated them in some way we should allow them to be in peace with their idea.
It is theirs, created by them for themselves and has nothing to do with us.
As is it with ourselves if and when we think we have been violated.
Otherwise we could as well say that with forgiveness we are giving bad deeds our blessing.

When we think others have violated us and don’t see the delusion behind that believe we have to carry that alone. And not expect others to do that for us.
If we have something to complain about in others behavior, the only thing we can do is not do the same. That’s all.
We should in other words stop asking others for forgiveness as well as forgive.