. For those who don't know it I was a professional server for 38 years and LOVED it or as my book was titled "I Love My Job Except For The Customers!"

(Server's thoughts with a smile on their face.)

Customer: "make sure the soup is hot."
Server: "No, I will purposely serve it cold so I can run back and forth from the kitchen.' Or "Should I stick my finger in it to make sure?"

Customer: "I wish I could drink but I am taking medication."
Server: "All I asked was if you would like a drink. I'm not interested in your medical history."

Customer: Silence
Server: "I can tell this is going to be a very pleasant group--out of 6 people not one could acknowledge my saying 'good evening'."

Customer: "This tastes awful!"
Server: "Well, what did you think it will taste like when you ordered it dry, extra well done and no seasonings on it?"

Customer: "When you get a chance will you bring some milk for my tea?"
Server: "You couldn't tell me that when you ordered the tea, could you? What do you care that I have to make an extra trip to the kitchen and it takes me away from serving my other customers?" And, "Sure when I get a chance, like you won't complain that your tea is cold if I take my time."

Customer: "Isn't he cute?"
Server: "He sure is and I love little brats reaching into my pocket where I keep my tips while I am trying to serve you."

Customer: "Can we have some more rolls?"
Server: "No, you can't! Besides the one you put in your pocket it would help if you said, 'Please'."

Customer: "We are in a hurry. We have to get to the airport, (theatre, hospital, etc.,)"
Server: "That's not my problem. You shouldn't have come in during the height of the dinner hour and you shouldn't have ordered the dish that takes the longest to make and you should have planned your time better."

Customer: "No, you don't want the fries, take the baked."
Server: "Sweetheart, let him order for himself. Your husband is old enough to know what he should or shouldn't order.'

Customer: "I'll be right back with your tip." or, "I'll put your tip on the charge."
Server: "And Miley Cyrus is an old maid."

Customer: "And don't rush us."
Server: "I just know you are going to compensate me in your tip for tying up my table eating a meal for 2 hours that only takes one."

Customer: "Where's our main course?"
Server: "You haven't even finished your salad. Whatever happened to enjoying a meal?"

Customer: "I have to be careful as I am on a diet. No salt on any of the food. And put the sauce on the side. I'll have a diet soda with my meal and decaffeinated coffee after for which I will need some sugar substitute."
Server: "And, of course, you will say no to the rich chocolate cake that is included with the price of the meal. Sure you will and while you eat it you'll say something about allowing yourself to go off the diet once in awhile."

Customer: "Take good care of us and we'll take good care of you."
Server: "oh, you mean you will tip me 10% instead of the usual 5% you leave?"

Customer: "Here's a little extra for being so nice."
Server: (Looking at the folded one dollar bill.) "Can you spare it?"

Customer: "But we never had to pay for it before."
Server: "It's not my fault another server puts his job in jeopardy by not charging you what they should have and I have no intention of losing a good job by not charging for an item the boss says to charge for. And, "You're not too bright telling me that another server gives you something for free. Next time come in when they are on and have them wait on you."

Customer: "What's your name? I'll ask for you the next time I come in."
Server: "it's Sam. Let him put up with you!"