Written by: Kali Rogers

Hi, it’s us, Introverts. We just wanted to write a quick note to everyone to clear the air. We know that we can be hard to read, a little closed off, and even irritable sometimes, but we do love you. To help you deal with us, we have put together a list of things you should know.

1. WEEKDAYS ARE ME DAYS.
“Errr…Book Club is on Mondays? Um. Ok I can’t make it. Ever. Why? Because it’s on Monday.”

We swear it’s not because we don’t like you. And it’s also not just because we want to catch up on True Detective (nightmares for days). The reality is, we don’t want to have to be “on” for three more hours. Socializing is for the weekends and the occasional Thursday (or every Thursday if you’re in college). We’re up for it then. We’re not up for it on Mondays. Of course we bend the rules for breakups, important meetings, or special occasions. So basically, if it’s not your birthday, it can wait ’til Friday.

2. IF YOU CALL ME, HAVE A REASON
Business? We’ll answer. News? Ok. Just to talk? Hahaha. Unless you fall into our “special human” category, we’re not answering your phone calls. And frankly even our special humans get screened (sorry, mom). Once again, it’s not that we don’t like you. It’s because we simply do not have the energy to talk for the sake of talking. Texting is our real friend. If you text us, then you have to tell us what you want to talk about, and we like that lots. Phone calls are for catching up and achieving goals. Anything else is considered a no-go.

3. PEOPLE WE KNOW BETTER BE THERE
Oh, kindergarten. So long ago, we were all shoved into a classroom and told to make friends. So, naturally, us Introverts know how to socialize just like everybody else. But don’t mistake this for being extraverted! The difference is, we legitimately feel like passing out directly after talking to other humans. And this is probably why we ask the dreaded question, “Well…who is going?” We aren’t saying you’re not cool, we’re just preparing ourselves. For what, you may ask? For talking to humans we do not know followed by leaving the party early. Sorry we’re not sorry.

4. WE ARE OK WITHOUT A BAJILLION FRIENDS
Clearly it makes sense that if we are horribly rotten at meeting new people, then we probably won’t have a ton of friends. Pretty simple logic. And we’re totally ok with that. However, the friends we do have are flipping fabulous. Take me for example! If you are one of my dear friends, then one of two things happened:

1. You clawed your way in (bravo!)

2. We were confined together for a long period of time and forced to talk.

I’m not even kidding. That’s how I met all FIVE of my lovely friends. And I’m considered to be “outgoing” (I know right? Five.)

Moral of the story? If you’re friends with one of us, we love you more than you know, and you’re flipping fabulous.


5. WE’RE INTENSE

Disclaimer: we seriously DO NOT know how to “bring it down” or “lighten up.” When we are in a great conversation, it normally pertains to politics, religion, money, complicated relationships, or anything else we “aren’t supposed to talk about.” These taboo subjects are our life source at cocktail parties, and we can’t help it. Yes, your dog is too adorable and your outfit is beyond amazing, but what actually gets us going is your career buyer’s remorse or your relationship with your mother. Sorry in advance.


6. WE DON’T REACH OUT WELL
Oh, the horror. Here’s the lowdown: we feel desperate or clingy when we ask someone to dinner, fake and slimy when we network, and self absorbed when filling in a distant friend on our lives. That’s no excuse–we have to work on these things, but be patient with us. If these things come easier for you, help a little lost Introvert out! We’re cute, and what we lack in social aggression we make up for in poignant conversation.

7. WE NEED YOU
Oh so badly. Please, please, PLEASE talk to us and text (not call) us and love us! We must have Extroverts in our lives to maintain friendships, get out of the house, and get out of our scary minds. You guys are simply a necessity. Extroverts love keeping in touch with others, they love including others, and they love talking about others (in a good way!). We need you in our lives. Befriend us. Date us. Marry us. Please. Without your energy, our little Introverted hearts become consumed and cluttered and it’s TOO MUCH. Sigh.