In a few hours, my mother and I will depart to the clinic so that I may receive the first of five daily radiation treatments for the most recent tumor which developed in my brain. This tumor has been especially difficult to live with and especially frightening to receive. It appeared immediately after the treatment of the prior tumor and caused me to worry that the tumors would now come so quickly we would lose control of them. With all of your support and particularly my mother we have made it to this moment near to beginning the treatment. I invite anyone who wants, to join me in my prayer. I pray for health and healing for all who need it. For myself I pray for courage to overcome my pessimism I want to confess that even surviving frightens me, since I never felt I knew how to live in this world or where to find a place. I pray that if my health recovers also will come with it as it has already begun the guidance and support to help me discover a way and a place for living safely and happily gradually freed from the suffocating fear and lonliness which has crushed me for so long. I never wanted to do this all on my own, but I didn't know another way.