Shi*'s blog/

I said, 'I love you but I am not in love with you'.

Much later, I looked in my heart and saw that I had lied to myself.

Why did I do such a thing?

Was I afraid that you would run away?

Was I afraid to face my fear of loss?

Maybe neither or both but it makes no difference.

My heart aches with the same sweet yearning.

I write my soul in blood.

Traditionally, free will or pre-determination has been one of those 'mutually exclusive categories' questions. The more that I think about this one though the more it appears to me that it is more of an 'uncertainty principle' question. Put simply: which will apply depends on what you are looking at, at what level and for what purpose. 'Choice' is essentially a sentient activity, that is a thinking decision has to be made. We live at a biological and cultural level of experience and have no real sight of sub-atomic activity on a day-today basis, even genetic biochemistry is little understood and certainly not a factor in our immediate awareness. Because we are blind to underlying realities and because the interactions are chaotic, complex, and innately unpredictable, we can exercise 'choice'. At the same time, our apparent choices are determined by dynamics in the fundamental nature of reality (matter, energy, Tao, God, whatever brand you prefer) and our choices are inevitable. Even whether you consider yourself to have free will or believe yourself determined by destiny is innate in the moment. So if you want to use it for an excuse to be fatalistic, you probably will. When it works out well, with 20/20 hindsight you can give it a capital letter: Destiny. If these weird wyrds help to make your strand in the weave more positive then I will be doing what I do. I think therefore I am.

And between the standing stones

That pen the horn-ed power

She stands adorn-ed

Strong but fragile lithe

Sudden sunlight bronze reflecting

As I within without look closely on

Visioned from my library of dreams

As insubstantial as paper and leather

Another watches me

within without

As I sleep seeing

A tome triangular bound

Falling

From dream to vision

Bull dancer.