She said, 'Come here when you need to breathe'.
... and I did
... go there
... and breathed.
I had buried my heart deep where I thought that no one could ever find it, especially me. To feel love is to feel pain ... to feel. She opened me up like an ancient tomb, found the hidden key, unlocked my heart.
Blinking in the impossible brightness of a first dawn. Overpowered by the sudden strength of an emotion that I accepted as mine. Everything I had sought to bury, eradicate, destroy. So long ago that I had forgotten, what, where and why.
... and I was so grateful to be returned to myself, gave fealty forever.
An intervention accomplished, she disappeared. I was lost for a while. Didn't understand yet that this thing was mine, not hers. A final lesson she taught me by her absence.
... and later I found her again but I never lost the one she awakened inside me.
The point is ... if there is one ... love is what we have inside. But that is not enough in itself. It needs expression.
Understand me ... I am not talking about romantic love, erotic love, brother/sisterly love, God/Goddess' love, sensual love, any one sort of love ... I am talking about the unifying totality of all loves ... the currency of life ... shi ... ki ... the flow of the Tao ... the sacrifice of Odin, Jesus, Osiris ... the love of Mary, Ishtar, Isis, Tara, and all the other glitterball reflections of the one thing we all know ... even if we know it by different names. Love has many facets and all are sacred. The names and labels, creeds and dogma are of reductionist interest ... useful to those who study comparative theology or those who wish to set themselves apart.
So, I will transcend my frailty, my anger, my despair, my pain ... I won't stop feeling again though.
Baby and bathwater.