What is it that you want, she said, apropos of nothing.
... but by then the question had dug its thorny parts under my yielding skin and would not let go.
What is my desire? where is the shortfall in my contentment? I started to turn it over.
Perhaps it is in the difference between the intensity of dreams and the uneven content of reality, I mused. Those head holidays I take to exotic places ... places I have to admit that I could quite happily settle in. But then my more unimaginative friends tell me that this is just escapism, unreal, fantasy ...
Happily, I don't need much to make me feel good. The natural world, even the tame world of my garden, brings me pleasure daily. Add some sun and a temperature over 18 degrees Celsius and subtract the stresses of work deadlines and ... hey presto ... I am a happy bunny.
so some first items for my wish list:
1) Less work stress
2) More good weather
But then, although I am very happy with my own company, I do also enjoy sharing my interests and my self with other sympatico types.
3) Good companions
Of course, I have all of these things so I am really putting in my want list for more of the above, or more access to 3) in particular. And maybe something more ... some one to share the full extent of my desire for union, transcendent conjunction. Well, hey, these are things that you cannot by-and-large force. And my way is , perhaps not surprisingly, quite gentle. I am the vampire who must be invited over the threshold and the circus girl who disappears if you look away for too long. Such is my way.
So really I don't particularly want anything and yet maybe what I want is everything. Thankfully, money doesn't interest me. Conformity leaves me cold but then so does deliberate and knowing eccentricity. Eccentricity should be perfectly normal to the eccentric, for God's sake.
OK, I digress. Reworking the Cartesian axiom: I think therefore I digress.
Now where was I ...