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November 26, 2009

jokes to offend everyone



What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan



What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the
Pillsbury doughboy bends over?

Doughnuts


Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?

Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs.

What's the difference between a
boyfriend and husband?

45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife..

Why do men want to marry virgins?

They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a
new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

'Are you sure it's mine?'


Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.


Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?

Everyone has the same DNA.


Why do drivers' education classes in redneck schools
use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.


Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

A different bar.


Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a
blonde baby?
They
named him 'Sum Ting Wong.'


What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.


What's the difference between a
southern
zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.


How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady
to say the F word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!


What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time ..' -A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit!'





Published at 19:00 ( 0 comments / 6 visits )
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November 25, 2009

Vous etes tous invites ce soir!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Joyeux jour de MerciDonnant!

connaissez vous l'article d'Art Buchwald qui explique Thanksgiving aux francais..?

www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/11/23/AR2005112302056.html

read more
Published at 17:57 ( 3 comments / 13 visits )
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Published at 01:42 ( 2 comments / 37 visits )
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Published at 01:07 ( 2 comments / 37 visits )
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November 2nd, 2009

la rentrée genre "cattle drive"

Bien rentrés au Zusa...

Voyage long et très fatiguant mais bon....Sans histoire.

A la suite d'un voyage comme celui-ci je constate ce qu'il y a d'inhumain dans ce moyen de transport. Incomfortable, fatiguant, long.....je me sens comme du bétail humain....la bande sonore de cette journée pourrait être un meuglement et bêlement continu de bêtes entassées les unes sur les autres.. Rien n'étant fait pour leur confort.

Robert lui dit qu'iil a été "Faxé"!

Heureusement nous sommes arrivés à bon port.

A refaire l'année prochaine dans le sens inverse.

Published at 07:32 ( 6 comments / 47 visits )
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October 28, 2009

ce soir je suis triste

Oui, nous sommes tous les deux tristounets de quiter cette belle provence, la maison des prés et ses beaux petits moutons.......

Mais

Nous reviendrons l'année prochaine!

Le chateau de Lourmarin attendra

Les oliviers, vieux deja, nous attendrons

Il y aura d'autres petits moutons,

Et le Barbu du cours Mirabeau tiendra la guarde....il en a vu d'autres....

A l'année prochaine...

Published at 19:12 ( 20 comments / 77 visits )
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October 22, 2009

coca cola ou papa?

Au cours d'un jugement pour divorce, le couple se dispute la garde du fils unique.

La mère, très émue, se défend :
- Monsieur le Président... Cet enfant a été conçu en moi... Cet enfant est sorti de mon ventre.. Donc je mérite de le garder ! >
Le juge, tout aussi ému et presque convaincu, laisse la parole au futur ex-mari.
Celui ci utilise son coté pragmatique :
- Monsieur le Président, je n'aurai qu'une question : Quand j'introduis une pièce dans un distributeur de boissons, la canette qui en sort est à moi ou à la machine?


Published at 17:41 ( 8 comments / 66 visits )
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October 14, 2009

husband banned from department store

Husband banned from Target ( a big US chain store)



My bride insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my bride is like most women - she loves to browse.



Yesterday my dear bride received the following letter from our local Target.





Dear Mrs. Adelmann,



Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our

complaints against your husband, Mr. Adelmann, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.





1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.





2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.





3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.





4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3' in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.





5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.





6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.





7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he would invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.





8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.





9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.





10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.





11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.





12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.





13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'





14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'





And last, but not least:





15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.



Published at 15:59 ( 7 comments / 63 visits )
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October 3rd, 2009

HEUREUX COMME LE ROI EN FRANCE

Bien arrives en Provence....le Paradis. Les pieds dans la lavande, devant un vignoble a l'ombre des oliviers......

Quel bonheur.!!

Published at 18:07 ( 4 comments / 91 visits )
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Published at 00:36 ( 3 comments / 85 visits )
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Published at 00:32 ( 1 comment / 61 visits )
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August 18, 2009

no man is an island

SIDNEY-NEW YORK A TALE OF TWO CITIES



Published at 15:36 ( 2 comments / 136 visits )
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August 13, 2009

Françoise

Istalif, Afghanistan1967

Elle était la plus belle et la plus douce du monde......

Je me souviendrai d'elle comme ça, en douceur et dans mon coeur.

Il reste l'amour, les enfants, les petits enfants, la famille.

Ceux que l'on aime toujours, ceux que l'on a aimé.

Le reste ne sert a riein.



Published at 21:54 ( 9 comments / 120 visits )
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Published at 10:54 ( 2 comments / 232 visits )
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May 8, 2009

l'incendie de Santa Barbara chez mon fils

encore une fois, malgre un demenagement voici ou en est mon fils:



et encore:

Published at 00:34 ( 9 comments / 242 visits )
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April 20, 2009

Unica Zürn



www.drawingcenter.org/exh_current.cfm

L'exposition d'Unica Zürn me fait penser aux dessins d'UKEO.

Published at 14:22 ( 1 comment / 146 visits )
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April 20, 2009

Photos de Floride

Depuis quatre mois (et quarante ans avant)j e me promene en Floride avec mon carnet a dessin, aquarelle de poche et fait mes petits gribouillis. J'ai vu des coins splendides et croyais connaitre vien cette bizarre peninsule. Je voulais mettre plein de photos que j'avais prises sur Ipernity.

Mais voila.

J'ai decouvert Clyde Butcher. Il se promene partout avec ses bottes en caoutchouc, son chapeau et son appareil antique et magique pour nous faire des photos de reve. Comment vous montrer les miennes quand il y celles-ci:

www.clydebutcher.com/online-gallery.cfm

Allez les voir. La Floride c'est plus que Miami, Miami Vice, la plage et les gratte-ciels-noix de coco.

Published at 00:53 ( 7 comments / 134 visits )
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April 20, 2009

Vacances....finies...

Le temps se rechauffe beaucoup dans le sud de la Floride. L'ete est la.

Nous allons remontons la cote Est des Zusa pour retrouver la fraicheur du Connecticut. Nous faisons toujours des pauses un peu partout, histoire de faire du tourisme...

Retour en ligne debut mail

Bises a tous.



Published at 00:46 ( 2 comments / 111 visits )
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