On August 13th, 2006 i joined the "365days project" over at flickr. It was about making a self-portrait every day for a whole year. Yesterday
i finished this project- successfully. I didn't miss a single day.
Wow, what a year that was. Ups and downs, i learned so many things about myself and others, about photography, friendship, different countries, emotions, people, life. I joined the project back then because I thought it would be a good way to support my therapy, finding myself, gain some more self-confidence, love of self. And it worked, a little at least, and not always for sure, but it worked. I have grown a lot, i guess i have not yet found myself but i am on a good way. I don't hate myself as much as i did when i started, my downs are really not that bad anymore and i have gained strength, even though the pressure and influences from the outside haven't changed much. I can accept myself a lot more now.
Never before have i spent so much time dealing with myself and my inside. Never before have i opened to the world, published really really intimate and personal thoughts and emotions. And never again have i seen so much interest. About 90 of my SPs have made it to explore if i remember right.
This one was place 3. Never witnessed so much understanding by people i have never seen before. People that seemed to really care, share their own thoughts and communicate via the ways we had. This dialogue and answers, the comments, notes, mails was most important for me all along the way. When i realized that my pictures seemed to help others that are depressive, other bi-polar people it was a very strange feeling but it was also such a motivation and inspiration, cause i need to help people, and feel good when i can help. All this was just possible with the help of your visits, comments, sharing. Pulling me up, laughing with me and even crying. Guess i would have stopped posting after some days if this wouldn't have happend.
It's such a great experience, like a trip to another world, and now i have my sight-seeing pictures in my
album. Great memories to build upon. I have made good friends all over the world. Some have sent me presents, HUGE presents, i still don't know how to thank and give back.
Well, even if it has given me loads of energy, it was still a hard job to do. It's not only Point and Shoot, upload and tag. It's a whole progress, some pictures took me up to 8 hours to do, usually without any concept before but creating one while inthe process of shooting, editing, tagging and describing. And since it is so much work, and i need to slow down because i already have too much work and not enough spare time,
i will not go on with the SPs on a daily basis. I will continue with the reconstruction of self and share my silly Mr.Shtoopid shots. But i planned on publishing those only when i find the time and feelings to do so. Not sure if there will be any good pictures, cause i need some pressure to be real good - LOL - but i know i MUST go on along with the therapy to find my self. I am not there yet. Please understand, that i will not (not now) join the next group over there ( it's already open for year two ) and i guess i won't join here if there will be groups in a few weeks (unofficial ;-)) ...
I will pick out some of my own favorites within the next days and put ALL of the others into the album, i didn't manage to copy all of them today but still wanted to publish this post... :)
Thank you! :D
Hugs.