I went to Doc's memorial service yesterday. On the way there I was behind the slowest old woman in the world.....we came to a passing lane and the vehicle heading toward us looked far enough away, so I gunned it to get around her.......but that other vehicle was moving faster than I thought they were and I barely had time to pull in front of the old lady before disaster struck......scared the crap out of at least two of us. I should have known better......almost no one goes the speed limit on that road......except the old lady who went at least ten miles an hour slower......lesson learned.....and thanking the Lord nothing bad happened......

I saw a friend of mine there.......as usual her dress was too short......she always dresses for any church event as if she's there to pick up a man.......when I went inside, I looked at Doc's urn and his picture and was remembering him telling my brother in a fit of rage that he was going to "Kill you and your whole fucking family......" I didn't take it personal when he said it because my brother can try the patience of Job......but I did call his office to talk to him about it and gave him our address just in case he meant it.....I don't do fear well anymore since I walked around for three years thinking someone wanted me dead.

I sat to the side because I didn't want to be on display if I cried, but my friend in the short dress opted to sit in the middle of the room (surprise, surprise) and talked me into sitting next to her......I found out Doc was a bit flamboyant.......I also found out he'd been a surgeon as well as a general practitioner........I found out he only had two family members in the area and had been born in California and didn't feel comfortable living in hickville.......that's not how his friend said it in the eulogy, but let's face it, that's what he meant. The preacher said that if Doc bothered to say something, he MEANT it. I guess he didn't know what Doc had said to my brother.

Doc was eulogized as a mentor, which is what he was trying to do with my brother. But Doc was also an addict......I heard what killed him was inhaling that compressed air you are supposed to use to clean your computer......crystallized his lungs. I also heard from someone who has lots of friends in the medical profession, that Doc was about to lose his license to practice medicine (key word) again. I also heard he was a brilliant doctor. I also heard his newly wedded European wife had finally gotten her VISA and would be here the next day........and the more I heard, the more confused I became. Was his death an accident? Surely as a doctor he had heard about that inhalant and how it had killed some people......or was it a total accident? Only Doc knows......I heard of several instances where he went above and beyond the call of duty to help his patients.....but I also heard someone showed up to his office in pain and he didn't prescribe for them anything but prayer......

I was glad to know that Doc came to church and was known as a believer. If he was I will likely see him again someday.......the Lord, I believe, has a tendency to wink at our weaknesses in this life if our hearts are truly bent toward him, and Doc did help a lot of people in the community, despite the fact that the ones with their noses in the air didn't think much of him. I believe everything happens for a reason, and Doc took his reasons with him and the Lord knows the rest........I just wish all this didn't bother me so bad. Laters.