I just feel like talking today and I never get out and about so really I don't make new friends......my old friends were the party crowd and I don't do that anymore so they have faded into the background........I could talk to my sister but she's all caught up on what's going on with me.........and I'm all caught up on what's going on with her. So this leaves me here......where nothing I say will come back to bite me in the arse because no one who knows me personally even knows about this site.

My daughter is sick and it's spring break......I was hoping for an outing this time but I don't know how this is going to go. My fuel pump went out on my car and so we had to have a new one put it......that cost quite a bit because I went through the dealership. I do that because a lot of the mechanics around here seem to have the issue that when you let them work on your car, other things go wrong later and you constantly are having to have something fixed. I don't run into that with the dealership. So it's worth it to me to pay more at the onset than to have repeated issues......

I ran into a guy who says he's going to go overseas and live it up this year because he's going to kill himself soon........I tried talking to him about how life can get better but this guy is angry for some reason......he doesn't believe in God or love or anything like fate.

There was a time I felt like doing myself in.......back when I was married to my first husband and had no children, he wasn't fit to be a father, he's a father now and he's still not fit to be a father.......I had a bottle of wine and some stuff to do the trick......you know, female style........well......the Lord started putting thoughts into my head.......like, would it be worth it to live if my life would make a difference to just ONE person in the future and I was the only one who could make that difference.......would it be worth it to live in hell to help direct one person to heaven.......and I thought, yes, it would.......or what if one of my family members needed me in the future and I wasn't there, would it be worth it to endure the life I was living for their better good.......and I thought, yes, it would. Then there was the issue that once you do yourself in, you are done in.......there is no chance to change your mind........and we never know what is in the future........so I finished my bottle of wine and I cried a lot and I lived and never figured it was my right to decide that kind of thing again.......well, until my second husband's mistress tried to get me to shoot myself so my whole family wouldn't die........that's an internet chat room story and I don't want to get into it, but she was very convincing as a villain. She got what she deserved, a man who cant bring himself to be faithful........and he got what he deserved......a stalker with a mean streak.......but I sure do miss him sometimes.......and I hope life is treating him well........he couldn't help who he was.......irreligious people never can.

I shouldn't call him irreligious, he always has the Mormons.........what a "nice" group of people they are..........NOT.......the point is........I feel bad for the dude wanting to kill himself and being so bitter about life........and his goal for the next year is to go see bell towers all over England and to visit some other place........I sure hope something happens to change his tune before the end of the year.......I thought about following his "progress" but then I figured........why? Then I figured, why not? I've always been very interested in people and what makes them tick.......or tock.......either way........I think I've just about got it figured out........it has to do with what goes on in the third dimension.......we are not impervious too it........but most of us are unaware of it......so we let it affect us because of a lack of defenses........

I knew this woman who was thinking of committing suicide, but she didn't want to do it herself......I think she believed it was the unforgivable sin. So she kept trying to get her boyfriend to do it........I saw a spirit three days in a row before she got him to kill her. I know now it was a spirit of condemnation because the people in the area were all full of condemnation for the woman who was suicidal.......and I can only imagine how she was thinking on the inside herself because of this spirit........I remember her well, the spirit. She was dressed like granny clampett in her Sunday go to meeting clothes and had her hair in a tight bun and a very serene smile......she was short and middle aged......and kept her arms crossed........I saw her three days in a row and once the suicide happened, I never saw her again.......but I have definitely felt her presence.......I just tell her to pack it up and go when that happens.......I know, I sound crazy........and I know people only believe in ghosts......not demonic activity........why they think there's such a stretch between them I don't know.........but I don't believe in ghost's.........only angels, good or bad ones........and God........thanks for reading, whoever you are.