Before Berlin I was a bit anxious about flying out of our local airport. I knew my ex-father- in law was now working there as a TSA agent. I saw it reported on our local news when he retired from his police job.

The last time I saw him was five years ago when he stood in my driveway, while loading up his daughter's belongings from my garage. He is a big, intimidating man, with a shaved head. Former policeman as I've said- now turned TSA agent.

His daughter left with my child. The child I fathered with two years of artifical insemination and plenty of tears. It was no simple, joyous sex act which brought our child to be. No happy accident. Completely planned.

At the time my ex and I broke up, I had to let everything go.

She left me in massive debt and she took our child.

When I reflect on these thoughts, I have to tell myself I'm a 5'2'' blonde, blue eyed, girly girl, with the spirit of a man trapped inside. An angry man who doesn't have the law on his side. There was no divorce, no settlement, no custody hearings and no visitation. My manhood has no legs. I was just fucked. Left to say damn- where'd my 60 G and my child go- G? 

She didn't go very far. When gay marriage became legal she married another woman immediately and let her be my child's mother. The lesbian pipeline communicates at least as well as communications of the underground railroad of slavery did. maybe better. in my experience lesbians never- shut the fuck up.

As I said, she didn't go far. I've lived in this valley since 1969- the year, SHE was born. Still, I gave her a  fifty mile leeway for the last five years. in my own hometown and local area there are stores, clubs and  restaurants i haven't been in for the last half decade.

I haven't seen her and don't want to. I've had a lot of practice encounters in my head since our breakup.Till recently I thought I'd turn on my heel if we came into contact.

Just prior to Berlin I decided I wouldn't let her intimidate me if she appeared. My biggest concern really- is what I'd do if I encountered her with my daughter. I'm her Mama.

I don't know what I'll do if she's there. I decided I'd let the situation dictate my actions.

So yeah, I haven't seen my ex, my daughter or my father- in- law for five years.

I expressed my fears of seeing my father-in-law at the airport,,to the man i've been in a relationship with for three years. He pooh poohed me. Told me- I was worrying unnecessarily. Foolishly. 

Fine. I packed myself up and readied for Berlin.

The drive to the airport was uneventful except for the amiable chatter of Rich, my driver, which i wasn't in the mood for. i closed my eyes and ignored him. I always get a bit anxious about flying anyway.

I got inside the airport and checked my bags. The ticket agent then told me to take them over to the big, white scanning machine. There's usually 4 or 5 agents standing there bullshitting. Not this time. I glance over, there's just one man standing there. THE only man I'm certain i don't want to see. My ex father- in -law. I'm not silly or foolish, my biggest fear came to fruition right before my eyes.

There was nothing to do but call on that man who lives inside of me. I made my eyes dead and I marched over to that machine- ramrod straight. He's a federal agent so complete decorum was the only way to go. I wheeled my bags up to him and waited. Finally- seconds turned to minutes and he looked at me and said you're all set . You can go.

My inside man said, Thanks- Hank.

 I turned on my heel and walked away without wavering.

I went to the airport bar, ate lunch, drank three beers and boarded my plane four hours later, wondering if i'd have luggage when I got to Berlin.

I'm a General. Got It?

 

This is for my soldiers