Hmm, writing just cause i want to is not necessarily a good thing but i'm gonna do it anyway.

Life is really difficult for me right now. I'm living as clean and hard as I can. Two hours at the gym every other day. drinking at a minimum. eating well.

i've got a life coach- for what that's worth. sometimes she's just one more battle.

i just punched through a two year depression.

going to Berlin made me realize the depression i've experienced off and on throughout my life is COMPLETELY situational.  i need to move around to be happy.

i need a job besides what i'm doing now. if i can incorporate travel into it so much the better.

since going away and coming back again i've been meeting so many more people.

recently, i met a woman from Poland, my age who spent a good deal of her professional life as a single mommy, traveling and selling various goods she transported.  we really hit it off . i've been trying to learn about international commerce. i decide to get makeup -she pops up.  life is crazy. she's going to St. Maarten for vacation and we'll talk more when she gets back. She's a makeup artist and has tons of ideas too. very excited.

 

i've been having a lot of fun going to the club. i like to talk all crazy about it but you know that's the only way to make  it on. mostly i'm dancing by myself.

tonight's club night though. maybe joshua will show up...or some other little boy. two weeks in a row gives boys ideas. mommy always leaves the club alone. the less i have to explain the better.

as i said earlier this week i've had a whole united nations of men. i have no desire for casual sex.

they all can go home to their wives and girlfriends after dancing with me. i know the score.

have to put my money where my mouth is and defend my registered trademark. there may be more jewelry pics in my stream. i'm calling my new line- Whores of Babylon™

Also, have to see about getting signed on as a freelance at some of our local rags. Feeling a lot like like my father lately. he used to get up in the morning and look out the window and decide which direction to go off in. intuition led the way.

When he stopped living that way, he died.

It's time for me to live.