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february 2008
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February 13, 08

The Guys' Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

 

 

The Guys' Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

 

 

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

 
 

 
Finally , the guys' side of the story.
(
I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear
" the rules"
From the female side .
 

 
 

 

 
Now here are the rules from the male side .
These are
our rules!
Please note.. these are
all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

 

 
 

 

 
 

 

 
1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to
work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don
't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the
full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And
no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one
:
Subtle hints do not work
!
Strong hints do not work
!
Obvious hints do not work
!
Just say it!

1. Yes and
No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem
only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are
for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a
Problem.

 

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact
, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won
't dress like the
Victoria 's Secret girls, don 't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are
.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted
two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just
do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did
NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL
men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not
A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have
no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it
will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and
you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are
lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don
't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear .

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...
Really .

1. Don
't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or
golf .

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too
many shoes.

1. I am in shape.
Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind
that? It's like camping.

 

 
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© Published at 22:41 ( 1 comment / 109 visits )
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February 13, 08

The Question!!!

You ask me if I love you
And I don't know what to say
You're my best friend and my lover
The thought that starts each day

You ask me if I'll stay
But deep down I want to run
Though I cannot imagine life without you
You might just be the one

I don't know how to tell you
That I need and want you so
Your kiss, your touch, your eyes, your smile
Are things I can’t let go

But then you ask me if I love you
Those three words I cannot say
I’m afraid to give my love
And lose you anyway

But if you look into my eyes
You’ll know then that it's true
I might not ever say it
But just know friend that I do
© Published at 22:37 ( 0 comments / 22 visits )
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February 13, 08

My Home

My home! How I do love you

and, loving so, in knowledge seek to name

and place each room.

My kitchen is the east, the heart,

first of every morning cold, and first to be warm,

to give true nourishment and repair all harm.

The south is my treasure-trove, my mind,

the room of greatest changing shape

where everything is stored from which I make

all hidden things my own.

The west room—the living warmth that holds

the companionable society of my youth and age,

that has sheltered friends and given host

to multitudes. This room the west,

is the spirit of the place.

Now to the north. Do you fear it cold?

Do not—for this room knows the stars

and all their meanings, is thoughtful

before sun first marks day upon the door.

This is the desk that cupboards the histories,

and here the bed that proves the promise holds.

Here is the secret place we begin our lives

in grace, and here in loving embrace we shall end,

and truly, in all good time, begin again.

Rebecca Goodrich(a close Friend)

[1974, San Pedro]

© Published at 22:32 ( 0 comments / 20 visits )
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February 13, 08

Is Hell exothermic?


 
Is Hell exothermic?
Brilliant answer to daft question...

(The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington Chemistry mid term. The answer was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.)

BONUS QUESTION: IS HELL EXOTHERMIC (GIVES OFF HEAT) OR ENDOTHERMIC (ABSORBS HEAT)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed), or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
_______________________

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul goes to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic, and will not freeze.
_______________________

The student received the only 'A' given
© Published at 22:28 ( 1 comment / 21 visits )
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