Today did not start well. We were up in good time and decided to try a new cereal. It was disgusting and far too sweet. The only good thing I can say about it was that it was a free trial. My son decided to make himself some toast. No problems there. I glanced at the clock; saw that it was 7:45 and pointed out that time was marching on. He has to leave for school just after 8am and still needed to clean his teeth. Well he totally lost it. He chucked the butter knife onto the work surface, yelled at me, ate his toast, yelled some more and stamped off. I’m afraid that I shouted right back but afterwards I could hear him in the bathroom crying. It’s so unlike him to cry that I felt awful. I’m really not one to bear a grudge or stay in a bad mood (unlike my Mother!) so when he came downstairs we chatted and I waved him off to school as if nothing had happened. For me that’ll be the end of it.

I can’t help feeling though that this is some kind of backlash about his Dad leaving and I’m worried that as the date looms nearer that there’ll be more of this. He says he doesn’t care but I’m sure that deep down he’s really hurt. What teenager or child wouldn’t be?

And if one more person asks me how my son is coping, I think I’m going to lose it! I feel I have to be strong, and polite, and bite my tongue, when all I really want to do is tell people what I really think of my ex effing off with barely a thought of how it will affect our son! I also want to shout, ‘how the hell do you think he’s taking it?’

What a lovely man I got entangled with. And people wonder why 7 years on I’m still single and have little or no inclination to settle down with anyone.

A colleague is bringing in some of my ex’s ‘stuff’ that he lent them and I’ve given them a deadline for when it has to be all packed, but if they miss the deadline I’ll just try and sell it lol.

Ok, rant over with (for now).

I’ve had 5 good night’s sleep in a row which is fantastic! No idea what I’m doing differently but certainly not complaining. Work is pretty busy which helps, though I’m a tad anxious about an upcoming meeting that I’ve been asked to attend. They want my input on something that forms quite a large part of what I do, but I really hate having to speak in front of a load of people. Oh well, how bad could it be?