MacKey's blog ^pro

five years ago my mother was in an accident, it resulted in a skull fracture and several blood clots in her brain. i'm not going to go into too many details about the accident, i'll just say that thanks to my father she was transferred to Germany (being the closest Hospital capable of handling such kinds of trauma). if it wasn't for his interference, zero tolerance and lack of trust in the Danish health care, then my mother would most likely not have recovered.

however the one who did all the hard work was mom. this is a tribute to her, because she's a very special person. i'm proud to call her my mother. she spent two weeks in a respirator in ICU. at first they weren't even sure if she'd ever wake up again, and we were told that the possibility of her having lost her speech and memory was high. so the day when we were washing up and getting ready to go see her, and we heard her voice through the whole Intensive Care Unit, then we all started crying from relief. her speech was there alright, her memory too, at least most of it. she wasn't 100% herself, but she was essentially alright. i don't quite recall when she got home after being transferred back to Denmark, but it wasn't too long after. she even remembered my birthday and called me from the Hospital bed.

five years have past and she's recovered almost 100% there are a few side effects, but they are few. she's herself 100% her personality hasn't changed one bit. she's a fighter and much stronger than she's even aware of herself. there's not one selfish bone in that woman and she opens her arms for everyone and anyone. she's spent her life caring and taking care of others, even when she couldn't. she keeps going long after she shouldn't. she's the most wonderful person and mother. i'm not religious or superstitious, yet she's an angel.

i love you, mom.

i'm a very busy human

a 21 century man

with an overbooked schedule

if you're lucky i can squeeze you in

in 2010

my Bluetooth headset is constantly attached to the side of my head

no i'm not talking to you, i'm on the fucking phone, have some respect

i run rampant

and it's not in the bedroom

i got exactly 1.5 kids

planned

i'm in control of it all

call my secretary, she manages my life

i can meet you for a drink

in 2010

hang on, someone's calling the other line

i have to go

i'm a very important human

a 21 century man

with a blown-up ego

if you're lucky i'll look at you

and see myself

whip out the diamond ring

and the whole nine yards wedding

love is a business like everything else

no one said happily ever after

if you can't accept me as i am then my lawyer will call yours

you get the dream house and the kids

i have better things to do

i divide the waters like Moses

i'm in no way a slave

(2006)

wish me a sweet night of no dreams. i do not care for dreams. they keep me awake. they make my head ache in a way you might never understand. like a blow to my midsection, i gasp for air. twisted. distorted and violent little plays authored by my unconscious subconsciousness. or is it my subconscious unconsciousness. you can have them, my dreams.

Nivea commercial on TV and i got upset...

their catch phrase at the end was; "because beauty is confidence". yes, that line pisses me off, we're suppose to teach our kids that?! let's change it to...

because confidence is beauty

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 23 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 6 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.


1. i'm passionate, you can hear it in my voice.

2. i wanted to be an F-16 pilot.

3. i draw and paint better, and easier, on surfaces other than paper.

4. i wish i could sing.

5. i love classical music.

6. you can tell me all your dark, and deep, secrets... i have them too.

7. i feel very protective of my mother, and would give her the world if i could.

8. i usually wear a scarf of some kind.

9. i really like the style of Rabens Saloner (if only i was rich).

10. i'm related to a world renowned fashion designer (she said boastfully... yeah, not really, i don't actually know him).

11. i love the smell of neroli.

12. i'm my own worst enemy.

13. i usually dislike most female accessories.

14. i have a high pain threshold.

15. i would be honored to experience motherhood.

16. i swallow... sorry, what i meant was... i have a sick and audacious humor.

17. you do not want to see me dance... no seriously, you really don't.

18. i love club soda with lime or citrus, and preferably when it's a bit flat.

19. i like mixing old with new when it comes to design and fashion.

20. the first match i lit i threw onto a carpet... my dad was fast!

21. the first cassette tape i ever owned was with Barbara Streisand. i liked the cover.

22. i once swallowed a marble ball, and have used my mother's lipstick to write on the bathroom mirror.

23. i was a member of a book club as a child.

so i have to wonder why love is the antonym to hate in the dictionaries. to me they are not opposites. come share your thoughts :-)

...so i was just thinking about that and i'd love your opinions... positive or negative, all are welcome :-)

my chemicals arrived!

Kodak Xtol developer

Ilford Fixer

Kodak PhotoFlo

so uh!... now i just need to figure out how to mix it properly. the instructions on Xtol is for 5 litres but i can mix just 1 liter at the time right?! this is my first time with all this so i'll probably be asking some dumb questions.

finally i got two rolls of film back from the lab, now i just await the last two rolls. they were all test rolls, so many of the photos are nothing great, but what is important is that the Yashica Mat-124 G works just fine, the light meter is not completely off. i just have to remember that in bright sunshine i have to compensate for it a little. the portrait shots came out really nice, i think. so now it's time to get more serious :-)

i also realized that i need a new scanner. the one i have will not scan negatives, so i had to scan the paper photographs, it came out OK, but obviously this won't work when i'll soon be developing my own negatives.

so here's to better photos in the future, hopefully!

OK, i'm close, really close, it won't be long now and then i'll be developing my own film. now i just need the chemicals... developer, fixer and anti-static. was reading up on a developer called Silvergrain... looks interesting.

i'm awaiting four rolls of film... i sent them to the lab to have them developped, because of my mistake (read previous blog entry).

this is so exciting... or i just lead a boring life :-D

OK, so i've run the first roll of film - Ilford XP2 Super - through my Yashica... and i've already made my first mistake, a minor one and really no big deal, yet to me it's a mistake. i want to develop B+W film and what do i get. i get a B+W film that you have to develop as a colour film - C-41 - perfect! i haven't got the necessary chemicals yet, so the problem isn't overwhelming, it's just, i'll be developing at home and i'm also concerned about our environment and i don't want to use any unnecessary chemicals... yadda yadda yadda! and i really didn't think of the issue of "Where Do I Dispose Of The Chemicals?", you can't just pour them down the drain. however there are some B+W chemicals you can pour down the drain and that's what i had in mind i was going to use, that is until i found out i got the "wrong" kind of film. of course i could try to develop the Ilford XP2 Super in B+W developer and see how it turns out, maybe i'll just go ahead and do that.

anyway, if anyone is interested in Ilford XP2 Super 120 films then i have plenty (eight left), and maybe you want to take some of them off my hand or maybe you have some 120 B+W film and you want to trade?!

of course i can always get them developed at a lab, it just seems completely silly when i'll be developing my own, it's just i don't want to get two sets of different chemicals just because i got that one pack of Ilford XP2 Super.

any advice or ideas are very welcome :-)

my new "toy" - a Yashica Mat-124 G - arrived yesterday. i'm itching to try it out, yet it'll have to wait just a few days, since the town photo shop did not have any 120 film in stock, so i got a pack of ten online. i cannot wait to get back into film and this time i'll be developing my own photos. it'll be the first time i'll be developing at home and i suspect i'll suck ass - to put it gently - at first, but as they say... practice makes perfect (i sure hope).

i have to say that the weight of it in my hands is pure delight.

Yashica

i began mixing my own hair wash for the sole reason of finding the right mix that would salvage my sensitive and upset scalp. throughout the years i have used numerous of natural shampoos and while they were certainly better than the commercial cheap and high end brands, then something was still missing. i then found out about Rhassoul clay: a Moroccan clay used to clean skin and hair. i realize that the idea of washing your hair with clay seems a bit odd. so does it work? oh yes! you might think it'll make your hair dry and straw like, but quite contrary. it leaves your hair soft and shiny and your scalp in tip top condition (but give it some time to work). i will not use anything else now, and trust me, my scalp has been one angry scalp for a very long time and it takes no crap, but Rhassoul has beat it, or rather washed it, into submission. no more itches, no more dry or oily scalp (works wonders on dandruff too), and with continued use you'll be able to wash your hair less frequently.

now, this clay/mud based hair wash is one you can buy online, a brand named Terressentials makes these hair washes. however, you can also make one yourself. the very basic you need is just Rhassoul clay (it comes in a powder or little chips). there are various ways of mixing you own Rhassoul based hair wash...

1) Rhassoul mixed with water... this works just fine. of course it doesn't really have any fragrant smell. Rhassoul has an earthy smell so it's not foul at all, at least not to my nose. one thing though... it will not foam. this is as pure and natural as it gets hence it contains no surfactants (which is what makes your shampoo and body wash foam). however it's not the foam that cleans, yet if you're expecting a rich creamy lather, then forget it. this is like rubbing mud through your hair, and this mud is packed with minerals and goodies that your hair and scalp will love, and your hair will come out feeling luxuriously soft and silky... just so we got that straight. so if you can get used to that, then keep on mixing. you can mix Rhassoul and water into a creamy mud like consistency or you can make it runnier... whichever suits you.

2) Rhassoul mixed with water and organic aloe vera juice. adding organic aloe vera juice to the mix will add healing nutrients.

3) Rhassoul mixed with organic floral water and organic aloe vera juice. using a floral water instead of plain water will add some lovely natural fragrance and additional benefits all depending on the floral water you choose. i like rose water and neroli (orange blossom) water. they both smell wonderful and are great for sensitive and demanding skin.

and lastly... adding a few drops of organic essential oils will make the fragrance stronger and longer lasting, but be careful not to add too many, just a couple of drops. lavender and chamomile are both very soothing and healing, and then they smell lovely as well. i don't use any essential oils though.

now, i'm sure there are many other herbs and flowers you can add to the Rhassoul hair wash, and you can always experiment with different ingredients (if you don't have any floral waters available, then you can always brew some tea and use that).

mixing your own Rhassoul hair wash is cheaper than buying Terressentials' hair washes. also the Terressentials' hair washes come in bottles and getting the last bit out of the bottles is a hassle. you can buy Rhassoul clay fairly cheap and floral waters aren't too expensive either. i usually have aloe vera juice and some kind of floral water in the house, so i don't have to go out and invest in a lot to make this hair wash. i store my mud in a jar, it's much easier to scoop it out than to squeeze it out from a bottle. don't try to mix a batch that'll last for several months, it's better to keep it fresh and mix a little less at the time. i make a mix that'll last for a couple of weeks, and mixing a new batch only takes a couple of minutes.

i just thought i'd share this with you. there might be someone out there who'd find this helpful and if that'll be the case, then i'd be very happy :-)

i just want to wish everyone here at Ipernity, and especially my wonderful and lovely Ipernity friends a very merry Christmas and a happy Hanukkah, along with a, not to forget, happy New Year.

thank you for yet a year and here's to one more. i hope you will all have a wonderful Holiday season...

you guys rock!

:-)

i want you
to get into my head
get to know me
inside out
i want you to open up
every door
even the ones with warning signs
and the locked ones
there is always a key somewhere
do not take no for granted
do not let the ghosts scare you
or let the darkness blind you
swim through the waters of my styx and acheron
let my past out
free my aching body
cradle my vulnerable heart
and if you have to
drag me through the mud


do not let me get off
easy

i'm good
and i'm bad
it goes without saying
i collect nothing
dark secrets are my vice
if you get me
you have me

things i want
                to tell you
    i have        to show you
on my knees
                in front of you

some things
    change
            so naturally
                words once spoken
            change meaning
    gradually
        in silence