Funny Lion With Quotes

We have safari parks in England as I suppose most Countries do. Apart from those Countries that are just one big safari park anyway. They have huge enclosures full of furry things running around.

One hot summers day in the mid 1980's I took my fiance, Margaret, her daughter Lorraine (who'd be about twelve years old at the time) and her friend from school called Mellanie off to the safari park. I didn't like Mellanie. She was a surly child who barely spoke a word all day.

The first thing we did was go to the dolphinarium. There were signs everywhere saying "Whatever you do don't stick your stupid hand out and try to touch a dolphin".... So, this dolphin comes leaping past and I stuck my stupid hand out to touch him. Dolphins are incredibly hard and I thought he'd broken my wrist.

Off we go through the lion enclosure which covered quite a large area. There were these signs saying "Whatever you do don't stop or the lions will eat your tyres and they'll eat you too if your windows are open".

So I parked up about a hundred feet from this pride of lions and wound the window down to take some pictures of them. That's when Margaret slapped me over the back of my head. You'll also be surprised to know what damage a hungry lion can do to your car door. I was getting it from all sides today wasn't I?

There's a sort of fairground in the middle of the safari park but you had to go through the monkey enclosure to get to it. There were a bunch of monkeys manking about in the road so I stopped to let them get out of the way. One of them jumped on my car bonnet and stared in at me. Then he went wee wee on my car, tore off one of my windscreen wipers and ran away with it.

We made it to the fairground. I was allowed to pay a pound a go for the kiddies to go down an open air slide on coconut mats. They seemed to like sliding so I probably spent a weeks wages on watching them do it over and over again.

Ice cream time. I taunted the monkeys with my ice cream cornet and one of them threw my windscreen wiper back at me.

I've had worse days.