When I met my ex-wife she used to like to go to this particular pub in Warrington. Thursday nights was 'Heavy Metal' night and she was into that. She even had a denim that she'd embroidered with Whitesnake logos.

I liked the place. It was a converted theatre so in the main room where the bands came on there was a balcony as well as tables on the floor. Blokes would drop down from the balcony and clump along the tables to get their beer. You'd have to pick your pint up quick or it'd get kicked over. Then they'd come clumping the other way, hand their beer up to somebody and then climb back up to the balcony.

They were a nice bunch of blokes. And I'll tell you what, when you're strolling though the streets at one in the morning with twenty drunken bikers nobody messes with you.

I'd found an alleyway just a few hundred yards away where I could park my car with a bit of maneuvering around some awkward corners. Bit more difficult reversing out of course. Especially when you've had a drink. The only alternative was to park about a quarter of a mile away. But if you have to walk that far you'd be almost sober before you got behind the wheel and that's no fun at all.

Wife wanted to have her Hen Party there but, she had no friends. Some of the girls from my model agency offered to go with her though. I drove them all up there and then went home to have a few drinks of my own and have a lie down for a bit. I went back about midnight to pick 'em up.

So now I'm surrounded by a bunch of drunken girls in a biker bar and they all wanted to dance or something. I herded them all back to the car and checked carefully that I put the wife in the front seat and the girls in the back. Halfway home I felt this hand wandering up my thigh and I nearly went off the road. I had another look but it was still the wife. The girls didn't generally have wandering hands unless they'd had a few drinks. Bit of a relief when it's only two days to your wedding.

By the time we'd got back to my town they'd all passed out. I drove around leaving girls on their own doorsteps. It was a warm night and I was sure they'd be fine. I rang the doorbell so if there was anybody inside they'd pull them in.

I got home and dragged the wife into the house. I'd had enough of the heavy lifting though and was beginning to wonder if I should have just sold them all to the circus. I left her on the living room floor with a cushion and went off to bed.

The next morning she had the most appalling hangover and didn't feel like getting off the floor so I left her there and went to the pub on my own.

Keith the barman, asks me where the wife is and I told him she'd been to her Hen Party last night and I was sure she'd turn up eventually.

Oh, and I left that 'still shot' from the film at the top because that bloke looks just like my ex-father in law.......:)