I'm trying to keep my mind off my PC problems which I'm finding increasingly easy to do since I've got a litre of vodka sitting next to me.

For no reason whatsoever (apart from the vodka) my mind started drifting back to the 1980's

There used to be this dance troupe on the telly called Hot Gossip. They were quite, errr, interesting to watch if you were a bloke. I saw a video of them on YouTube called 'Take A Walk On The Wild Side' but it's too much to post on here. A bit risque.

So then I find myself in the Crazy Horse Saloon in Paris and they're performing there. I became quite enamoured of one of their dancers. A blonde chick with lovely doe eyes. My flight was leaving at two in the morning though so I didn't have time to do anything about that..........Who says romance is dead?

About six months later I read in a magazine that the dance troupe had separated. Apparently Sarah Brightman had met Andrew Lloyd Webber and she wasn't interested in it any more. The article also mentioned that this blonde girl was working part time in a charity shop in Manchester. I thought I'd nip up there and seduce her since I hadn't had the time in Paris.

Manchester is an unsalubrious place to visit. Rumour has it they eat their own young up there. I decided to leave my sidearm at home. Well, you don't want to be standing there with a smoking weapon in your hand when the police finally arrive to draw chalk lines around people do you?

It was her day off..........Missed her chance hadn't she.

I put it down to Fate and never went back. Besides, the train fare to Manchester was bloody crippling.

There she is on the video though.........:)