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I feel I should explain the topless picture I posted with my last blog.

It was taken about three years ago and during a particularly hot Summer. I'd had a shower and was sitting at the PC in my shorts and nothing else. Suddenly there was the most ungodly row from my kitchen. Cats screaming and howling. I dove into the kitchen to see what was going on.

There's my cats screaming and some pit bull dog with its head through the cat flap trying to dig its way in. I'm not going to tackle a pit bull with my bare hands so I grabbed a short sword from my weapons chest and yanked the door open. The dog ran off through a gap in my seven foot high fence. Problem solved.

I'm back at the PC reading the newspapers and keeping an eye out at the window. Then I see one of my cats haring about the garden with the pit bull in hot pursuit. There was howling and barking. I'd had enough of this. It took my short sword and a spear and charged out to settle the matter once and for all.

Cat shot past my suddenly opened kitchen door with dog in hot pursuit. I took off after the dog. We're running 'round the garden in a big circle. The dog's too close to the cat for him to run up the fence to get away. The dog's chasing the cat but looking over his shoulder at me. I'm chasing the dog and shouting "Come here you f*£%er while I kill you.".

Cat takes advantage of the ruckus and dives into the kitchen. Dog sees me about five feet behind him and runs off through the gap in the fence. I'd completely had enough of this.

There's my next door neighbour staring through the fence at the spectacle. I'm leaning on my spear trying to get my breath back. Hair blowing around and sweat running down my face. I point my sword at him and tell that if his dog ever comes into my garden again I will kill it. Then I will come into his garden and I will kill him. Then I'll sow his land with salt so that nothing ever grows there again.

I seemed to be convincing as about a minute and a half later he was nailing bits of wood up to cover the gap in the fence. No more dog. My cats rolled around in the sunshine while the mutt ran up and down the other side of the fence but its slavering jaw couldn't get in.

I took the topless picture just after I'd sat back at my PC. I was not in a good mood.