HyperBob's blog

Ernest Hemingway was once prodded to compose a complete story in six words. His answer, personally felt to be his best prose ever, was "For sale: baby shoes, never used." Some people say it was to settle a bar bet. Others say it was a personal challenge directed at other famous authors.

I heard that story somewhere and thought it was rather tragic. I wondered if there every had been a secret loss of a child, and from there it was only a small step to imagine that it was a contributing factor for Hemingway taking his own life,

Booze and guns are never a great combination,

Ernest loved his shotgun and he like his liquor too
He wrote a six word story about some baby's shoes.
2x For Sale baby's shoes never used

Ernest laid a bet for some shotgun shells and some cheap booze
he drunk up all the liquor then wrote about baby's shoes
2x For Sale baby's shoes never used

Ernest loaded up the shells because he had the blues
he then pull the trigger when he saw those baby's shoes
2x For Sale baby's shoes never used

Most likely you have never heard of John Cooper Clarke who has been crowned as the punk Poet laureate. He is skinny. and has never gained an ounce from the 70's until today. He is stick insect thin. But I do like his poetry, because it is down to earth and for the main part plain stupid. I recently put tunes to 3 of his poems.

So consider this a primer to the crazy world of John Cooper Clarke.

The first one is for du tabac (who comes and goes) and is called Hire Car

The second one is for Marinkel cos she gets words right and is called I wrote the songs.

and the last one is for Mr Vogel and is all about Kung fu. I reckon with a name like Vogel he would be opposed to the martial arts and the wrecking of phone booths

Enjoy

So I opened up an old case that belonged to my father and randomly threw photographs on the table. There were a few of my father and mother and lots of my grandfather and his brothers and their wives, At the end there was a few photos of me as a baby. Some many generations needed to have gone before me for me to come into existence. Men and women committing themselves to one another to bring up their offspring, It is a miracle really that I exist or that the line continues though my children and grandchildren.

What of those families that cease to exist. That just disappear. A war. a pestilance, a shipwreck, a train crash, a lifestyle, wipes away all traces of a families existance, so that not even a memory remains

The two countries in the world that love... REALLY REALLY love the tango are Finland and Argentina. The tradition has it that the musicians when playing the tango should be blindfolded. Perhaps this is to help them concentrate and not be distracted y the antics of the dancers on the dancefloor

Who can forget the El Tango de Roxanne from the movie Moulin Rouge

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysBMt-...

Or that special twist where Al Pacino plays a blind soldier who takes to the dancefloor with an awestruck young woman in the movie "Scent of a woman"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBHhSV...

And prepare to have you flab gasted by antonio

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEwZIu...

I was watching a video called Help Me by Johnny Cash and at the beginning a prisoner talks about the excitement of Johnny Cash coming to play a concert at the prison. Watch the video just to listen to the prisoner talk before the song and then after it.. ya see?

He tells the story of how Johnny Cash threw some of his harmonicas out into the crowd and he caught one. Later he traded the harmonica for a bag of M&M's. He said it was the worst deal he had every made in his life. I thought it was a great story so I wrote a song about it.

Is there anything in you life that you regretted having to part with, and are you still consumed with remorse?

So even though Obama headed across to Denmark his statesmanship was not sufficient to land the Olympics for Chicago. In the song "Bad Bad Leroy Brown" it was said that the southside of Chicago was the badest part of town. This is patently wrong because as everybody knows it is the eastside of major cities that usually has the bad reputation... the east end of London for example. Whereas the west end on London is for the rich and famous. Even here in Finland the area called Westend is where the most affluent people live.

It is interesting to speculate why certain areas of a city have a bad reputations and you wouldn't want to live there. I know nothing about Chicago only that the gangster Al Capone had his operations there, and perhaps they were on the southside.

The first time I heard this song it was by Ry Cooder, and more recently Bruce Springsteen has done his own version of it but written his own lyrics to reflect the tragedy of the floods in New Orleans, but the original was done by Blind Albert Reed in 1929.

The song that Reed wrote had a ton of verses and I have selected a few of them to sing. What is evident is that the concerns people had back in the 20's are exactly the same as we have today ( Financial crises. food prices, education, misuse of power, health )

Everything changes but everything stays the same... and the poor, thank God, will always have music and dance

Lyrics

There was once a time when everything was cheap
But now prices almost puts a man to sleep
When we pay our grocery bill
We just feel like making our will
Tell me how can a poor man stand such times and live

I remember when dry goods were cheap as dirt
We could take two bits and buy a dandy shirt
Now we pay three bucks or more
Maybe get a shirt that another man wore
Tell me how can a poor man stand such times and live

Oh the schools we have today ain't worth a cent
But they see to it that every child is sent
If we don't send everyday
We have a heavy fine to pay
Tell me how can a poor man stand such times and live

Most our preachers preach for gold and not for souls
That's what keeps a poor man always in a hole
We can hardly get our breath
Taxed and schooled and preached to death
Tell me how can a poor man stand such times and live

Oh it's time for every man to be awake
We pay fifty cents a pound when we ask for steak
When we get our package home
A little wad of paper with gristle and a bone
Tell me how can a poor man stand such times and live

Well the doctor comes around with a face all bright
And he says in a little while you'll be all right
All he gives is a humbug pill
A dose of dope and a great big bill
Tell me how can a poor man stand such times and live

The pictures that go along with this old proclaimers song are from women working in a aircraft factory during war time. So many beautiful women doing tasks that traditionally might be the sole domain of men.

Wars change society in so many ways, Back in the day, women moving out of the home and into the factory looks so revolutionary, When you look at these pictures are you able to tell if the women are from Russia or from America.

Anyhoo the song is about getting lucky with a girl, and the feeling you get when someone who you think is unobtainable suddenly becomes accessible.

It is about being lucky in love. We all need a bit of that sometimes

Light

Dark

So the grandkids are visiting Finland and Noa become very interested in the Ukulele. So much so that we had to bannish him to the balcony so he could practise chord changes.

He found out that there was another competition on Ukulele Underground called Coffee Coffee Contest and wanted to enter it, and decided that he would write an original song and perform it. There's confidence for you. His sister Elli also became enthusiastic and wanted to be backup singers (plural)

After three days (or according to Elli) four he had his song ready and we recorded it and entered it in the competition. I thought the strum he developed for the song was fantastic, and I thought they both were brilliant at performing their song... but then I would since I am their grandfather.

The thing I like about Ukuklele Underground is that rank and file members can run and organise contests. Sometimes the prizes are T-shirts or tuners or something simple but the latest contest is for a gold tone banjolele and it is called

Shake your soul

I have put in a couple of soul classics from the 60's. Bring it on home to me by Sam Cooke that man had a magical voice.

and the Otis redding song Try a little tenderness which was written in 1933 by Woods, Campbell and Connelly. This song has wonderful and mysterious chords and when you hit them they make you smile.

The song Elephant town is developing into a meme on youtube. There is a campaign afoot to get every Ukulele player on Ukukele underground to do a cover version of this song. It is quite amazing that regardless of singing ability or playing skills many people are covering this song.

And then again some of the most skillful Uke players in the Ukulele underground are also covering the song. I think it gives a sense of community when from the smallest to the greatest everbody sings the same some, and where if you perform really badly then the better performance you have given

The original song was by a 3 year old girl called Tia and her video has been viewed over 12,000 times. To date there has been elephant town tutorials, blistering blues versions, dream like surreal versions, free jazz versions, techno mix. My Finnish tango version is perhaps the first foreign language version.

Here is a link to get your fill of Elephant town versions

Negative calories - lose weight while you eat!
What a promise divine - what a sugary treat.
Pudding and pies - beans and peas
Buy anything - just eat what you please
Salt and ice-cream - belly fat pork
There is no difference - between butter or Stork.
Now there is a promise - you just can't beat.
Negative calories - lose weight while you eat!
Triple quarter pounder -where does it stop
Eat what you like - if it's got lettuce on top
Blubber and skin - and fast frozen meat
Negative calories - lose weight while you eat!
The more you eat - the more weight you loose
Buy what you want - no need to choose
Mix yoghut and garlic - they'll go down a treat
Negative calories - lose weight while you eat!
Make your body - a fat burning machine!
Drink olive oil - it's exceptionally clean
Dress your salad - with hard skin from your feet
Negative calories - lose weight while you eat!
You don't need to fast - you don't need to pray
Just double your intake of food everyday.
No charts to offend - no weightwatchers to cheat
Negative calories - lose weight while you eat!
Flatten your stomach - get rid of the flab
Eat oysters and whelks - and fine Cromer crab
Just keep on eating - never admit to defeat
Negative calories - lose weight while you eat!
Just be amazed - watch the pounds disappear
For breakfast drink - a six pack of beer
Just don't mix protein - along with your wheat
Negative calories - lose weight while you eat!
Speed eat your food - and make your pulse race.
Use lots of energy - getting food to your face.
Your heart must pound - with a rhythmical beat
Negative calories - lose weight while you eat!"

So here is the challenge try this Forking with hyperbob. If you are able to replicate this feat then post a video response.

OK? Now let's see you fork off

I expect there are millions of books written about love. We read them and try to put them into practice only to find out that the advice we have been given does not work for us. But we really truly want to believe that somewhere clear and precise instructions have been written down and that if we follow them precisely we will experiance what it means to love and be loved.

You don't get nothing for free,
'less of course you steal it,
at least that's what the people say.
The sad irony of Love is
how so seldom you feel it,
yet it's all you dream about, night and day.